your first?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by omgpop, Oct 21, 2009.

  1. omgpop

    omgpop Well-Known Member

    was anyone else's first love so important that they would basically abandon their best friends for their first love?
  2. NoGood

    NoGood Well-Known Member

    I dont think any relationship is worth abandoning good friends and if someone expected you to do so, then the probably dont have your best interests at heart. BUT in saying that it is so easy to fall into the trap of falling in love with someone and wanting to see and be with them as much as possible and with that friends come second but i recommend from experience to make time for friends, if the romance lasts, after the honeymoon period wears off you will want your old friends company and if the romance doesnt last you will want their shoulder to cry on so basicall - DONT BURN YOUR BRIDGES! :)
  3. omgpop

    omgpop Well-Known Member

    yea i hear you...its just that my bestfriend might get back with this guy who basically tries to run her life. it feels that since he was her first, she puts him on this special pedestal where he can do no wrong and everything is our fault
  4. NoGood

    NoGood Well-Known Member

    ive been there done that and you know what, he was the first person that broke my heart and 8yrs on i still think of him but thats just life. She will have to learn from her mistakes and let life take its course. I fell in love with an amazing guy and 'my first' is still alone and regretting mistreating me.

    Omgpop, the best thing you can do for your friend, is be there for when she needs you. Im so happy my bestfriend stuck with me. I abandoned her for my boyfriend (the nice one, that im still with :) ) and like 4 yrs later she was there when i needed her. Im feeling that you are young?? Im 23 so all the boy problems and friend issues are still fresh in my mind so you can talk to me about stuff anytime you want. :)
  5. omgpop

    omgpop Well-Known Member

    yea i just turned 18. well the thing is she says she loves but doesnt know if she wants to get back with him because he has given her an ultimatum which is if they get back together she cant hangout with us anymore especially me
  6. NoGood

    NoGood Well-Known Member

    Well theres not much you can do im afraid. The ball is in her court. But if she does go back with this guy and 'abandons' you, just remember she made a poor decision, we all have at some stage, so dont hold it against her. It would be ok so tell her that you will miss her if she chooses not to see you anymore, but if she comes back if the romance fails, just be welcoming to her. At 18 we all make mistakes, actually screw that, at any age, we make mistakes and all we can ask for is forgivness. This sounds lame but holding grudges only makes you feel bad inside. Its more of an effort to dislike someone than it is to just let go and go with the flow. Sorry, i dont have the answer for you, but i dont think there is an answer. Your friend will make a decision and you just have to take it one day at a time.

    My opinion though, your friend will see through this guy, it might take days,weeks,months even years but eventually she will realise that he is no good for puttin demands on her. So just wait for that day to come and be her friend, she will be so greatful and you'l feel so good about yourself.
  7. omgpop

    omgpop Well-Known Member

    thank you i wasnt really expecting an answer just an open dialogue i guess on the subject and i could never hold a grudge against her. shes my best friend. i just hope he doesnt hurt her too bad
  8. NoGood

    NoGood Well-Known Member

    You sound like such a good friend. hugs for you (((((((omgpop)))))). Your just like my friends and god, when you realise how good your friends are, you truely feel blessed. By the way, when i was 18 - life was all drama drama drama, there was always something going on. Dont fear - life mellows out after a while lol. x
  9. The Scream

    The Scream Well-Known Member

    i never really loved someone relationship wise...
    friendship wise i have and i still do...

    all my love relationships were with people i knew not longer than a week or a month...
    i made that mistake 3 times...

    now i only want a relationship with someone im taking the time to get to know first...

    i believe in friendship being the only good basis for a love relationship, but the one i love friendship wise now is a boy and im a gay girl so im not even near getting a relationship these days =[ lol xD

    so im unexperienced and can't tell ^^
  10. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    I've been abandoned time and time again by people who I thought were my best friends, for love!
    And not even their first loves, we're talking 2nd, 3rd and 4th loves!

    Which is why if push came to shove and I had no time to see my friends, I'd gladly give them up for a partner. I just think partners are more important in the long run. Which is soooo different to how I used to feel! I was a Sex and the City/Spice Girls/Friendship forever type person. But sod that now.

    People are only too quick to ditch their friends for love. Anyone who watches The Hills, look at Heidi and Lauren!
  11. omgpop

    omgpop Well-Known Member

    well it seems like my best friend is choosing the guy over me....i dont know what will happen next except ill try to follow NoGood's advice. i'll tell her its ok and taht i'll always be there for her if she ever needs to talk....
  12. NoGood

    NoGood Well-Known Member

    It will take time Pop, it took me a few yrs to realise how much i missed and needed my friends. Like im still with the guy but found myself alone and with no 'real' friends so i was so greatful to my friends that did forgive me.

    This might happen a few times. The honeymoon period is like 2 yrs and then after that ya start to realise that you dont wanna see the same person all the time and that you do need your friends.

    Best of luck Pop, my inbox is never full so drop me a message if u need anything. x
  13. NoGood

    NoGood Well-Known Member

    Just to clarify - dont tell her its ok, tell her that you wish she had come to a different decision, tell her the truth, that you will miss her and that you thought your friendship meant more to her than a guy and tell her that you dont like the guy in question because you dont think he is good enough. But dont tell her its ok cause its not ok with you.

    Just tell her that no matter what anyone thinks, all you want is for her to be happy and if that means that she doesnt see you, than as long as she is happy, thats all that matters.
  14. omgpop

    omgpop Well-Known Member

    Well i've told her many times i think he is bad for everyone...even his own friends thinks he's taking advantage of her...
  15. Ordep

    Ordep Well-Known Member

    I fell in love with my best friend, and she was my first (and thus far only) girlfriend. Obviously I couldn't lose my best friend by having her as my girlfriend, but I was so madlyin love I think I'd do anything to keep her, even if it meant losing a friend. I was stupid back then...

    When she broke up with me, I lost both the love of my life and my best friend...