Your Lover Seeing Your Scars for The First Time

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by alyssaswoon, Oct 15, 2012.

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  1. alyssaswoon

    alyssaswoon Well-Known Member

    I'm sure I'm not the first person who's thought of this.
    Whenever I'm in a position where I could potentially end up having sex with someone (one night stand or new boyfriend/girlfriend) I immediately think, "Oh shit... what are they going to think when they see my scars?" and that's where my anxiety begins.
    I've been lucky enough over the years to have pretty understanding boyfriends, even some who have cut themselves, but I still just never know what kind of reaction I'm going to get when I pull up my sleeves, or wear short-shorts. Also having your friends see your scars is often very difficult, as well as your parents/family. I don't know many people who want to sit down and try to explain the addiction of self harm to someone who just doesn't get it. It's like trying to describe an acid trip to someone completely sober.They might seem like understand little bits of pieces, but until the day when/if they do acid, then and only then will they go, "Oh now I understand!".

    I have been cutting for 10 years now and I really don't see myself stopping. It's very addictive and my favourite stress reliever by far.
    Sometimes I hate that I do it because I'm afraid to show my arms in public, but I got smart and started cutting my thigh, no one sees it aside from my boyfriend and he doesn't mind.

    So how many of you has had to have that conversation with a lover/friend/family member about your scars/cuts? I wanna hear your stories.
  2. truthhurts

    truthhurts Well-Known Member

    i've had this with my family a couple of times. it's always been pretty difficult, tho generally they're accepting [of me not the cutting tho, i shud mention, meaning they do think it's not normal and they wud want it fixed if possible, but they do not condemn me for it]. for me it's been quite different depending on the time. meaning that about 2 and a half years ago when they first found out, i was just like silently there, listening to them, and agreed to see a psychiatrist and stop all this. at that point i kind of did want to stop too, and did so for a while [couple months], but then i just started hiding it, and also moved the 'cutting area' like you did. at first i moved to my back/sides/hipline, then also to upper thighs. now i do not rly feel like stopping it tho, but it's also not rly sth i 'desire', but more like sth i decide to do at time, to avoid certain other unwanted things. for me it's sort of like drinking water to treat hunger tho [meaning just temporary and not rly essentially helping, but it's the best thing i've found so far]. okay, so, a few months a go, my mother accidentally saw my back, and she was quite shocked by it. she thought my cutting was pretty bad, tho i myself wudn't at all say so. so she sat me down and cried and tried to make me explain the inexplicable [since most of it i can't tell her, tho she doesn't even kno that there's sth to tell]. and i just basically sat there half-laughing/smiling and replied 'i don't kno' to basically everything. not very progressive. for another thing, one of my sisters seems to think that i do this to hurt others [which i believe is by no means my intention] and she's given me some quite 'spicy' remarks. my mother generally understands the 'effect' or so tho, meaning all the brain chemical stuff [endorphine], so she's not that ignorant i'd say. tho even tho i've repeatedly said it not to be true, she prolly still thinks that it's her fault somehow. i don't see how i cud make her understand that it's got nothing to do with her tho, it's my own thing.
    and just to mention, i'm currently 19, been SIing since i was 15. hope this was helpful^^
    also, i haven't had a lover [for several reasons], so i don't kno exactly what that wud look like, but i'm guessing it wud differ from friends/family, because u'd likely have a different kind of connection with them. they might feel the need to 'heal you' or they might feel that they themselves are somehow inadequate if you don't stop, or they might also feel that it's mentally 'hard on them'. tho these things may not happen, but these are some of what i've heard from other people's experiences.
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