Your survival kit at work

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by glass_samurai, Jun 14, 2008.

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  1. glass_samurai

    glass_samurai Member

    All of you people, how do you do it? How do most of you manage to get up and go to work, and mostly survive the workplace? It has become too much to handle for me. Oh, it's not because I can't do it, I can do my job fine without thinking twice...hell is other people, hell is having to deal with colleagues.

    Some of you may be "luckier" than I am, and were given the gift to pretend. I'm sure some of you can act cheerful, and fool everybody. For me this has never been possible. Very quickly, I withdraw, and just like I was an outcast back in kindergarten, here I am again, the same child in adult clothing. Same shit, different decade. It doesn't take more than a week for my colleagues to realize I'm a weirdo, and act accordingly.

    It has come to the unbearable point. Besides the hello-goodbye paradigm, I can't blend in, take part in conversations. Even that HG paradigm has gotten hard to maintain. When it's time to go, I wait for the best moment - when a couple of my colleagues are talking, when the most intimidating ones are out of the room, etc. I realize it's pathetic, but this is my life. I guess it wouldn't be so hard in a large multinational company with hundreds of people.

    I'm not looking for ways to blend in, or to make an outgoing jock king out of a 30-something loner. I want to find the strength not to care inside, to find some kind of safe space within. It seems there's nothing to hold on to when your very self image is in ruins. It's getting harder and harder to feel so raw all the time. I've gotten to the point where I want to just resign and hide for the rest of my life, until I find the courage to end it all - jump over the wire and into the darkness.

    So basically this was just a rant to tell you all that I know how hard it is to function. I know the energy and courage it takes to do it, and I'm quite admirative that most of you can do it. It's no small feat. For me it's gotten to the point where I can't do it anymore, and I was wondering how you manage to keep going into the lion's den day after day.
  2. Clockwork Reality

    Clockwork Reality Well-Known Member

    I have to ask--what do you do for a living? I personally get by by intentionally losing myself in my work, and by defining my personality and my character by my career (I've been charitably described as a work-a-holic.) I find that if I feel myself challenged and stressed by the obstacles of my work, I don't have the time to worry about others until I come home for the night.

    Maybe it's not a very good coping mechanism, because I still have the social anxiety, but at least it doesn't have the time to manifest itself when I'm around others.
  3. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i take a long walk every lunch hour. i escape my workplace, my colleagues, and burn off any stress that has accumulated over the morning. it helps me "reset" in a sense.

    i don't say much, but i smile alot. that goes along way to hiding my feelings. when i am close to exploding, i can see it coming and i take time off.

    being in therapy has helped me separate current problems; and past problems. it only gets unbearable when they are intertwined. for instance, a current hurt reminds me of all the betrayals in my childhood and soon i'm in over my head. now i can handle the current problems on my own, they are not so overwhelming, and with the help of my therapist i tackle the past.
  4. kittyD

    kittyD Well-Known Member

    I did it for years, until eventually I was off more than there and got nabbed with documentation . For many years, it was my safety spot, even though there were some pretty bad things happen there occassionally. I just got so depressed that I'd spend 20 hours a day on the couch, napping before I went to bed for 4 hours. I have to get out and get back to work, the money on assistance is ridiculous, but I'm terrified, of failing, of being the new girl again, just not making it work...
  5. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Sometimes the worst part of an organization is the social there one person who you can be more comfortable with? if so, then s/he might be the escape route for the awkward was said, go out for a walk or for lunch...big hugs, J
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