What do you feel when you think about that statement? I get a sense of uncertainty, sickness, confusion, and anger. And also for some reason curiosity. I was raised Jehovah's Witness so I didn't get Christmas or the Tooth Fairy or Halloween, nothing other than the 4th of July and Thanksgiving really. And as we got older those holidays faded because it got harder to keep our family together. With no real values of developing relationships I struggled to band together with trust against our inner loneliness, and lost. And when I turned to Jehovah, exclaiming that I wanted him to take my life, and give it to someone more worthy, to end my suffering when all else around me wouldn't, I ripped the clouds apart to find th eyes of god and weep before them, admitting that I was weak and needed help from a hand stronger than mine. I waited for 2 straight years, watching shit falling around me and watching myself being carted from clinic to clinic, asked to not ask for my personal belongings, watching my pocket knife be confiscated, watching my mother watching the TV and half smiling at me as she asks how many drugs I've been on, 'really', and realizing that this is how she would see me for the rest of both of our lives, He never answered. I've been relying on blind faith and good intentions, as well my heart to guide me for the last decade. I don't have a god anymore, and I don't believe that humans are worth the shit we put up with. I don't steal, I don't lie, and I am nurturing to everything I touch, even those who aren't kind to me, not because I want something, but because I expect that any decent human being will do the same for me. Because they have just as much right to be on this miserable planet as I do. So as I move on and try to give my life substance after giving so much compassion and understanding to those who have shaped concrete ideals about my life, I come to find that it is all for nothing, and because I slept with someone once, reaching out for a feeling under skin, I will burn in hell in gasoline bra. How screwed am I really?