You're insecure, single, lovely and have never been in a relationship... now what?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Aurora Gory Alice, Jun 15, 2009.

  1. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    *haha either that was a typo or freudian and I was wondering why I'm single because I'm SO lovely (yeah right) but the title to this thread should've been*

    YOU'RE INSECURE, SINGLE, LONELY AND HAVE NEVER BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP... NOW WHAT?

    That about sums me up.
    I'm single.
    I'm lonely.
    I'm insecure.
    And I have never had (what I would call) a real relationship.
    I've dated people for short bursts and I've had sex, but nothing that could be considered a relationship.

    And I turn 26 in two and a half months.

    I was sat there thinking about this long and hard this afternoon. I don't want to be single forever and I know there is no doubt somebody out there for me, but I just don't know how to be with them.
    I'm so insecure I have a wall between myself and everybody else. I'm sociable, but I'm talking to everybody over that wall - if that makes sense?
    No-one can really get too close.

    If I feel somebody getting close, I get scared and have to get away from them as quickly as possible or get them away from me.

    I know it's my insecurity and fear of being hurt (basically it's my fear of never recovering if I ever did get hurt, because I'm fragile enough, if I fell in love and my heart gets broken, that may send me over the edge).

    How do I build up my confidence/self esteem etc.
    How do I become secure enough to enter into a relationship with somebody?
    Does this even sound possible? Because it's sounding like a distant dream to me right now!!

    More than anything, can anybody else relate to any of this? And what is your take on it all? Do you think you'll ever be strong enough to attempt a relationship with somebody?
     
  2. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Re: You're insecure, single, lovely and have never been in a relationship... now what

    Have you tried on-line dating. I did it when I was in a dry spell. At the very least you can practice on the ones that you no are good matches but nice. Also I found that I could say I was shy and the shy ones responded so we understood each other. It is really hard to meet people these days and if your shy or insecure it can be really tough. Are you seeing anyone about this? That would be helpful I am certain.

    B
     
  3. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    Re: You're insecure, single, lovely and have never been in a relationship... now what

    I've tried all sorts of dating sadly, it always ends up the same. Just my stupid insecurities getting in the way and I feel like I have to nip it in the bud before it gets too serious for me to handle.
    It's an awful feeling, I'd love to find a way to become secure, the ridiculous thing is I am fine around friends, it's just around people I am dating. Why do I feel like I have to impress them so much more? :(
     
  4. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Re: You're insecure, single, lovely and have never been in a relationship... now what

    Well your friends accept you..a date might reject you..just a thought. Why do you think you won't be like or rather what are you insecure about?
     
  5. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    Re: You're insecure, single, lovely and have never been in a relationship... now what

    My looks mostly, and my personality also, I'm worried I'm not good enough and that I won't measure up to anybodies ideals and that I cannot compete - so I'll be left in the end for someone better.
     
  6. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Re: You're insecure, single, lovely and have never been in a relationship... now what

    Is there anyone that would measure up to your ideal? anyone that would cut it in the looks department? anybody who would have a personality you would like?

    I ask this because I bet the answers are yes so if you can imagine it in others then you have to see that there is someone out there that would see you the same way..at least one.

    Are you seeing a counselor to help with your feelings about yourself?
     
  7. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    Re: You're insecure, single, lovely and have never been in a relationship... now what

    That'd be where the shallow part of me would come into play and I might say, someone who will see it in me would be the somebody I don't want! Terrible of course. :(

    I'm thinking of trying group therapy again or self esteem building, I definitely can't go on like this. It'll begin to affect other aspects of my life.
     
  8. Reki

    Reki Well-Known Member

    Re: You're insecure, single, lovely and have never been in a relationship... now what

    I don't think it sounds like a distant dream for you at all, I think just the fact that you want to change and are doing something about it is great, that's the biggest step imo. Have you tried hitting the gym or some other physical activities/sports to improve your looks? It could be that I'm just shallow but a big part of any confidence I have comes from knowing that I look good. If I'm not worried about what other people are thinking I'm free to focus on me and what I want to do, what I want to say, I can relax and interact with people without the burden of insecurity and that has gone a long way for me.
     
  9. flayflow

    flayflow Well-Known Member

    Re: You're insecure, single, lovely and have never been in a relationship... now what

    go out, get pissed and see what happens
     
  10. christian_1990

    christian_1990 Well-Known Member

    Re: You're insecure, single, lovely and have never been in a relationship... now what

    bad bad advice....ban please
     
  11. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    Re: You're insecure, single, lovely and have never been in a relationship... now what

    Flayflow you're an idiot.
     
  12. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    Re: You're insecure, single, lovely and have never been in a relationship... now what

    No I think she just can't differentiate between "love" and "drunken sex".
     
  13. just.me

    just.me Account Closed

    Re: You're insecure, single, lovely and have never been in a relationship... now what

    well your only hope is to wait until you are 35
    and then to date a 30 years old single mom
    and all you need for her to agree to merry you is to have a good stable income
     
  14. just.me

    just.me Account Closed

    Re: You're insecure, single, lovely and have never been in a relationship... now what

    i bet you know best, dont you? XD
     
  15. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    Re: You're insecure, single, lovely and have never been in a relationship... now what

    The op is a girl...
     
  16. just.me

    just.me Account Closed

    Re: You're insecure, single, lovely and have never been in a relationship... now what

    lol then its even easier
    all you have to do is to show yourself to the world
    and the world will notice you
    and soon you will have a first date with someone