A few weeks ago a 'tragedy' befell me, and whilst at first I was more angry than sad or depressed, I found over the ensuing weeks that the tragedy was not going to be easy to sort out. It's a short step (in a pessimist's mind) from there to total hopelessness. Or at least it has been for me. As I contemplate my situation and all it entails, I feel that I might as well just give up. My wife thinks I'm (just) depressed and does not actually know how badly I actually feel despite her being fully aware of the surrounding factors. She sometimes says to me that she and the children love me etc etc. I do not doubt this, and whilst I understand that 'surely this is enough for you' to be happy, I easily turn that around to be 'Yes, but you'll all be happier without me around'. This (were I to voice it) would lead to a ping pong argument of discussing ones reasons for being. I know what my responsibilities are towards my family and I owe my children a father. But is it that I have to live in such pain, continually questioning why I should exist and weighing up the pros and cons of not being around for my family?. Note - in the above, most of it hangs around 'my family'. There is little reason for me to feel worthy of myself. Which raises the questions 'Do I feel useless and not needed whereas my family feel that I am useful and needed.'? Am I to deny my own wishes to satisfy the wishes of others? When does a lack of 'self' become so miniscule that one is not able to value the 'self' anymore? Is it 99% existing for others and 1% for one's self? Me not sure and feel confused and worthless/hopeless.