Yup, still homeless. And now I have a cancer diagnosis.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by CandleLight, Sep 18, 2016.

  1. CandleLight

    CandleLight Well-Known Member

    I'm still homeless. This homeless shelter, which promises housing, refuses to meet my disability accommodation needs. So they've made threats to kick me out for saying, "the unit you offered me IS NOT DISABLED ACCESSIBLE. I can't live there."

    Do I have a legal case? Yes. Do I have the energy left to fight a system intentionally set up to fail people like me? Nope.

    And now I've apparently got spindle cell soft tissue sarcoma. It's so rare, there are no designated sarcoma specialists at the big research hospital I go to. I've got to laugh, frankly, if I had breast cancer there would be like 13 specialists I could see.

    My surgeon? Well he works a lot with gastroenterology cancers. Guess he's doing me a solid, practicing sarcoma surgery on my leg.

    Aaaand they have to put me out for the surgery, of course. So I'm terrified. They last time they put me under, it was after I hurt myself last year. I barely made it out of that alive.

    I feel often, that I did die last year. I'm in hell. Homeless. Huge losses on top of losses. A cancer that can't even do me the favor of being common enough for the doctors to have a solid plan. To my questions, the nurse oncologist said "we'll know more during surgery." Talk about feeling powerless, you know?

    Powerlessness on top of powerlessness.

    I'm pretty sure next to no one I can think of would trade lives with me.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi hun, I am so sorry to hear this, this saddens me a lot. You are going through some rough times, you have a lot of courage. Brave woman you are. Sorry there is nothing I can do to help. I just wanted to let you know that I care.
  3. gk25353

    gk25353 New Member

    Hi there, I was an RC at a homeless shelter my last job and have seen how hard it can be for people with disabilities - there's always limited space so it's hard to get in and then even once you do get in they stick you on the top bunk! It's terrible, right? But in terms of what you can do, do you have any friends at the shelter who could help you get around or get to your bunk? No matter how hard it is, even if you've gotta sit on the floor, it's better to be inside at night, right? Especially at this time of year. Don't give up and keep fighting to get in!

    That's really rough with the spindle cell soft tissue sarcoma diagnosis. But since you were able to remember that long, complicated name it sounds to me like you really care about knowing what's wrong with your health and getting better. I used to be afraid of going under too back when I had kidney stones, but when you think about it it's not that hard - just a few seconds of powerlessness. It sounds like you're fighting in other ways though so, at least to me, it doesn't sounds like you're completely powerlessness. I hope you keep fighting and make friends who love you and who you love back. That's something even the wealthiest people have trouble doing and what we all need to do most. You're clearly an intelligent person given how clearly you write so I have no doubt you'll find a way. Keep on going!!!
    betteroffunknown likes this.
  4. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    When is the surgrey supposed to happen
  5. wow i hate being homeless although i live wit my so called "family"(i dont like my sister she has no respect)im close to being homeless and im helping the house,etc i been looking for a job just hard now a days.I been homeless before,i can't imagine being homeless again im afraid ill have to die/kill myself then be homeless again it was a living night mare and i got the energy to do it again(well i got the energy)i just cant do it again though im better of dead.
  6. CandleLight

    CandleLight Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the replies. My surgery was yesterday. I feel like an infant, having to ask for medicine and help walking and every other little thing adults usually do pretty well on their own.

    That being said, it sounds like the surgery went pretty well. I also have two caring friends who can let me recover at their place for a couple days before I go back to the homeless shelter.

    It feels worth mentioning that my friend even brought my dog to the hospital. Twice. I was even going to have my dog spend the night in the Adult Acute Care unit tonight with me, but I had to get my friend to come all the way back to the hospital to pick my dog back up. My dog and I were just not able to make it work, I have a walker and am in pain still so feel I couldn't meet any big needs she could have in the middle of the night.

    Not that I sleep much! I get shots in my stomach, I'm often close to throwing up and of course, the surgical site is really tender.

    But I'm doing OK. I'm OK for now...
    DrownedFishOnFire likes this.
  7. Joseph Baker

    Joseph Baker Member

    BUT THE POINT IS THAT YOU ARE NOT HOMELESS; SO PLS PLS DON"T PUSH YOURSELF OUT THE DOOR. As a chronically depressed person, I want others to feel my pain. I have found thete is a limit yo what others can tske. It is a natutal human reaction to flee from others' desperations. I am new to this, but a friend advised me the sbove and that helped me so much, bec it eased the anger I felt towards those who shut themselves off from my grief. It is a human reaction, a self-protection measure. Furthermore, about 5 minutes after doing my confesdion I feel worse than before. One step foward, three backwards
  8. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    How r u doing Candles?
    Brian777 likes this.
  9. Joseph Baker

    Joseph Baker Member

  10. Joseph Baker

    Joseph Baker Member

    Oh candelight you are loved and cared for. And your cancer makes me cry,,,really. Are there no friends who will take you in until you can get more permanent housing? You ate worthwhile, that may sound silly but I do know quite a bit about feeling worthless. Depending on the state where you live, there are a host of civil services. Wouldd going into a mental ward bide you some time? Most public hospiitals have social workers? Truthfully I empathize more than you know. You have friends wi the forum who care for you.
  11. Joseph Baker

    Joseph Baker Member

    Candlelight, you are very brave and I think having a dog to care for iss a life line. It certainly has been that way for me. My little Nicky intuits when I am sad, which is almost every second. The fact that you are communicating is a very powerful life line as well. Praying for the best for you. Joe