Hi everyone, Last night, before I signed up, I was scrolling through the forum, and at first, I just scrolled past a comment from someone who mentioned the principles of Zen teachings, but it is has been in my mind ever since... being in the moment, and not stuck in the future and the past (which I know I have a problem with). I'll keep looking for the member / post, but was wondering if anyone know which member / post it was? Basically I'm aware that I have a problem, I've tried twice before to commit suicide, and have a strange settled feeling for years now that I will do it in the end anyway. I've recently also lost interest in a lot of things I used to be very interested in, and lack passion for much that used to give me a thrill in life. Further am I also aware that I can't keep friends, and although I think I'm an OK person (caring about personal space / respect / animals / general health and so on), I seem to push people away... this keeps me from even trying to make new friends (real life and online), let alone giving a try anymore for partner. Recently read something spot-on that a person can't use a relationship to fill a gap / you can't expect someone else to make you happy if you yourself don't know what makes you happy... and so I am aware that it would be unfair to people / friends / boyfriend to be this filler. I do believe in (a) God, but after numerous bad experiences with churches, even youth / open minded churches, I have more and more doubts as to the church as institution... but I still do believe that there is a higher power... how He allows all this destruction and pain on earth I don't get, but that is another story. So... aware of the above, I'd like to give Zen a try... Thanks.