Hello. I'm on the precipice again. I feel like I have no emotional support and no way to cope; I don't really have friends so go figure. I'm not particularly close to my family -- at least I don't feel that way. They know I struggle with depression, or rather, they knew. Anyway, I don't feel like openly discussing the roots of my depression, but basically I'm at rock-bottom (yet ironically on the precipice). I dropped out of college nearly two years ago because my depression became too much of a hindrance, and I've been on a hiatus since then. I've taken small steps towards recovery throughout this last year such as working out, and fairly recently job searching and occasionally learning how to drive, but essentially I'm still very much at rock-bottom. Even though I had invested so much time and mental energy into getting a certain job, I was stood up, and everything has been crashing down since then. I understand that I shouldn't give up based on that one experience, but considering my circumstances (i.e., social anxiety, etc.) and what jobs I'm limited to because of my total lack of experience, I'm utterly drained. I've been undergoing a relapse in terms of self-harm lately. I don't feel like it's merely a lapse anymore since I'm habitually and immoderately harming myself again. Unfortunately, I don't feel like I have a reason to stop, unless I'm threatened as usual -- woo-hoo. I'm overwhelmed with obsession, envy, and as a result, severe self-hatred, so you can see why I'm not quite concerned for my well-being. On the whole, I feel as though I'm on the brink of death. I'm completely alone. I might not be alone in this feeling, but in terms of emotional support, I'm just gone. I don't have a distraction nor a coping mechanism in the world to help me, aside from reaching out here... although, receiving a response isn't much of a realistic expectation as of late; I'm not gonna just ignore that. I'm bitter. I don't normally complain about such things because I know how it is, but considering what I've been throwing out there and how I've been feeling, I'm not too keen on being patient, but I suppose creating my own threads like I am now would be more effective. Now that I'm done being a pussy, I'm going to continue desiring death.