Walking around and trying to stop pressing the self-destruction button.

[Unknown_111]

Spent all day walking aimlessly thinking why do I exist today. Felt like pressing the self-destruction button today. Met a lot of nice people today but still feel like pressing my button. Walking on a short fuse or on a tightrope with a black hole of death beneath me. Why do I bother living today? Life is so tough at the moment especially when wake up in a cold sweat worrying on how to cope with day. My escape is trying to focus on one thing at a time.

Sometimes I think of ending my existence, just another death statistic and tomorrow's recycled newspaper. Tried everything under the sun, but getting no where. Thought about self-harming today but stopped myself. I can understand why people self-harm. Just reliefs the pressure felt.

Some of you folk are amazing. I have a lot of utter respect on how you folk cope on a daily.

Just want to say thank you reading this post. Your comments would be gratefully appreciated. Respect SF

 

[total eclipse]

Sometimes hun you take one second one minute at a time and just get through it ok notice the good things around you the people that care the beauty in the environment the sounds music You do everthing to distract you from those thoughts of harming you ok. You reach out here or call a crisis line talk to someone a real voice ok I know it is hard but you got through one day you can another and another hun but reach out ok for supports around you family doctor crisis lines use them ok to get you stable and out of that mind set of harm hugs

 

[justsomegirl]

First off, I admire you for feeling so low and reaching out to post. I'm sorry you are having a tough time.

Focusing on one thing at a time is a great plan. And every few hours maybe take a minute to think about and be proud of all those one things you did. Changing the laundry, making a sandwich, watching a show...doing these things may not seem productive, but they are representative of you holding onto that rope. And you can do it.

And as always if you really feel in crisis, don't hesitate to reach out to a real person/phone line. I know it's hard to pick up and dial but it helps to speak to someone.

/hugs

 

[Unknown_111]

Thank you for your support. TC.

 

[Unknown_111]

Today still incrisis and thought about self-harming. Got through the day just about. My mind is fretting with worry but I got battle one day at a time. Thank you for reading this.

 

[Unknown_111]

Everyday is getting harder not knowing the outcome. Yesterday was a bad day, so low ebb and waking up I have to drag myself through another day. It's so hard but some how I will manage it. I admire a lot of people on this forum who troubles are far worse that mine. You postings get me through the day which helps me knowing others suffer in silence. Life is tough but together we can get through one day at a time. Thank you for reading and take care.

 

[justsomegirl]

You really inspired me with your post, just about fighting through to the next day. I hope tomorrow is a good one for you!

 

[mark b]

It can seem fruitless but you are coping.

Bit by bit is just fine. And at the end of the day congratulate yourself on getting there again.

 

[Unknown_111]

Thank you for replies. Still walking in a daze, wondering what is going to happen to me. It seems that each day is getting harder. Perhaps my mind is playing games but I hope it gets better over time.

 

[justsomegirl]

Hey, you're hanging in there, for now that's all you have to do. And you're doing great! Here's hoping things ease up before you expect it.

 

[Unknown_111]

Hi JSG, thank you for the encouraging words. I'm just hanging in there and the simple elastic band helps when I'm down. I feel that world around is caving in and I'm drawing in my last breath. It's tough as each day goes on. Im trying to discipline myself which his hard. It's hard to see other people laugh and happy whilst I go through this turmoil. I don't see any light at end of tunnel but simply darkness. It's simply taking one day at a time.

 

[pisces1]

Sending you much Warmth, Peace and Light to brighten your day. :hugpounce:

 

[justsomegirl]

Well I am really honestly proud of you. Look at that attitude change, slight as you think it is! One day at a time is all you can do. I'm really glad the elastic band is helping.

I can empathize with feeling like you are sort of on the outside looking in. It's important to remember that everyone, even those who appear to be super together, have things that are eating away at them. Disciplining yourself can be good; for example I benefited from creating a loose daily schedule (seriously, it says things like "eat breakfast" and "real clothes by 10am") so I'd have some base guidelines I can expand as I get better at it.

You have been doing a wonderful job reaching out to talk here, and that's something to be proud of. Keep posting, let's get you through this! :hug:

 

[Unknown_111]

Hi JSG, thank you for your kind words. They help me a lot. I post my feelings so that helps others not fear to be alone but encourages them to open and post on this forum. This forum is amazing in that we help each other get through our own crisis. Take care and thank you for reading.

 

[Unknown_111]

Today was hard focusing on things to do, thinking it was my last day of freedom. I smiled a lot and appreciated others with kindness. I am a soft person who does not like causing hurt or sadness. Like people to be happy in life.

 

[justsomegirl]

I'm proud of you for working to focus on things; that's not something I am very good at, and it's inspiring to think it can be done. Thank you also for the reminder to appreciate others with kindness. It takes a really unselfish and kind person, I think, to genuinely want others to be happy in life. Just remember that you deserve to be happy too.

 

[Unknown_111]

JSG, thank you for your kind words. I'm just an ordinary person who does not like causing pain or harm. It's going to take time. I am coping but solitude is hard. The support of this place helps but we all face our own problems in our own way. Thank you for reading and take care.

 

[Unknown_111]

Trying to focus everyday gets harder but it's seems like Groundhog Day. Everyday seems like a repeat of the previous day. It's seems I'm living a nightmare everyday but trying to learn to cope. Sometimes one wonders does it ever get easy overtime. You focus on the simple things in life like flowers and you having the freedom to walk in open spaces. I think living each day you appreciate things you take for granted everyday. The simple elastic band keeps me from doing something stupid. Perhaps over time it gets easier but who knows. I think it's mainly a matter of discipline and that may take time. Thank you reading my post and take care.

 

[JmpMster]

Your continued efforts and perseverance are what convinces me you will achieve the changes in your life that you want to. It takes true courage and strength to not only say you want to keep trying but to put in the effort day after day until positive results happen. They will happen for oyu - I truly believe that, and it will get easier and take less effort to do it over time as the positive becomes the habit. :hug:

 

[Unknown_111]

Thank NYJmpMaster. I take each day as it comes but the simple matter of me breathing makes me appreciate life and respect others. Each one of us on this forum have own problems to deal with but I am truly grateful for all the support here. I respect everyone here and their own plight. All of us take our own journey in life not knowing where we end up. Happiness is what you make it. If you start with the simple things in life, by appreciating them, then its it lightens your own crisis. Everyone handles their own crisis in their own way but there is a light at end of the tunnel which we might not see yet. Perhaps with time I might see a positive perspective in my life. All I can do is read other's posts and that gives me comfort I am not alone in the world suffering. Thank you reading and I hope it helps you. Once again take care.