The problem is , I am always on edge. I don't have personal space. So called uncle , something I hate the most in the world , obviously abusive , toxic , oppressive , so much contact with " it "
So called mom has the same room , because there's no privacy thing , so called aunt and father can do the same.
I don't get the air to breathe. It is beyond terrible.
" Get lost in work " , not when you can't focus and lose all your energy here.
It is seriously so bad. I think it's completely valid why I am unable to function.
It has become so bad ,like it once were. I can't alter my routine because then I would get so less time for studying. But , studying now is very often very tough. The subject is also on which I am weak in. Ah ,
And I understand the whole " give yourself time to relax and then study thing " but when I start doing that , I just wanna lose myself there because I am so burnt out. I don't want the rest time to end.
The whole fear , anxiety thing is so so bad. Constantly being afraid of being watched , caught , wearing that mask all the time , going through abuse , oppression.
I am going through so much that I can just do the bare minimum which is to survive. But , that's not what's needed out of me.
It's so hard to manage. I am kind of thinking how did I not get seriously physically sick by now , from all that's happening.
