Venting 20 years of struggle...is suicide inevitable?

[Beindaz]

As a preface, I'm not necessarily looking for advice, just venting to folks who may understand.

In early 2004 I was diagnosed with major depression and anxiety, with plenty of suicidal ideation to go with it. Over the years I have tried various drugs and therapies and now, 20 years later, I am still stuck with depression and suicidal ideation. Of course there has been ups and downs over the past 20 years and there have been times I actually have felt happy. But no matter how many good times there are I am brought back down by a depression that will not go away and a desire to die that won't disappear. Quite often I wonder if this depression is a terminal illness with the inevitable result being suicide.

Does anyone else have chronic depression that seems to only have one logical end point: suicide?

 

[Pebble mouse]

Does anyone else have chronic depression that seems to only have one logical end point: suicide?

I understand where you are coming from. I have had problems for most of my life. I still do. Sometimes it does seem the final scenario, the inevitable end. But, where there is life there is hope. So, whilst life can seem like a constant struggle, I believe it's worth sticking around as things can possibly get better. I cannot say with any credibility that you will recover from your problems. But at the same time, I also cannot say you will not. Life can be beautiful even when suffering, at times. Hold on to those moments.

I hope you decide to stick around and give things a chance. ((hugs)) to you.

 

[iloverachel]

Hello my friend

First of all I am sorry you have struggled with suicidal ideation, depression and anxiety for so long. I have also been dealing with those things but for 8 years, and those 8 years feels like an eternity. I am sorry you have suffered so long.

I really do wish things get better for everyone, including yourself. Would you like to elaborate more on your situation and what particular things you think may be causing this unhappiness?

During some periods in the past 2 decades where you were happy, what happened during those periods?

There was also a period in 2020 to 2021 where i felt much better and had hope for life, but sadly i dont know how i can go back to that period, despite doing the samethings i did back then, it does give me hope one day i can get better but it still feels frustrating

 

[MisterBGone]

-No.

 

[Lifeisthis]

Have you tried tms or acupuncture or yoga?

 

[AmberMarie]

Does anyone else have chronic depression that seems to only have one logical end point: suicide?

i have been dealing with depression and SH from a very young age... early teens. i did have a few years where i faked being happy long enough that i began to feel it a bit, however i can no longer do that, so yes, i understand where you are coming from. i don't have any advice on how to cope, because i've run out of those skills. i'm very sorry you are going through this. i wish no one ever had to feel this way.

 

[MisterBGone]

I think that, in an ideal world, you would be able to "stumble upon," through perhaps an awful lot of 'trial & error,' a med regimen or cocktail, that works for you. As you've said, there have been good times, and bad times. What you hope, is for a more stabilized (happy) medium, with as manageable an amount of extreme highs, and lows. So in other words, to prevent them from not getting to severe in either direction. And then also, not to stay there too indefinitely. This isn't always realistic, or reality however. So you've got to discuss with your Dr., in the event that this is the best they can do (medication wise - they've tried everything - they're going to try - or be willing to...) then you might ask them for some alternative suggestions. And consider giving them a go. Depending on which you feel comfortable trying, and giving a shot. Based on your own tastes, preferences, and level(s) of comfortability with the various options out there. Sometimes, though, people do just have to figure out a way to just live with it, somehow. As gut-wrenching as that can be. Figure out how to best deal with the crisis situations, and also the times when you're stuck in those dangerous lows, for however prolonged of a period, as in deemed dangerous for you to be staying in there for. Keep fighting, keep battling, don't give up, or quit. Sometimes, that's all you can hope to do, in the absence of. . . I have found anyway! Believe me, if you'd asked me 15 yrs. ago, or whatever it was, when I was diagnosed with much the same thing, I'd have never gambled on me still being here by or right now. In fact: I'd have bet my LIFE on it! ;D (which, admittedly, was not saying much...) Good luck & best wishes to you. Keep speaking here as well, if you want to!

 

[1964dodge]

i'm sorry that you suffer with major depression. in a lot of cases once you have depression it's always there at least off and on. medication can help most people as well as therapy or groups. the most important thing for depression is to find and cherish any joy you can find. and if you keep fighting hopefully depression is just a minor nuisance. one thing that helps a lot is having a hobby you can be passionate about. for me it's my 64 dodge, you can try woodworking, painting or anything you might want to try. i hope you beat this depression and can start to really enjoy life

mike....

 

[Lifeisthis]

Hope your doing better today