A suicide. The impact.

[FlamingoWrangler]

I am getting ready to go to a viewing.
I am american. Traditions vary in our country but It‘s common to have a viewing. The body is prepared, put in a casket, to be viewed. If not presentable, casket will be present, but closed. People come to pay respects to the family and the dead.
i am going to a mans (29yo) funeral soon. Cause of death suicide. He grew up with my sons & spent plenty of time here in our home. He struggled with mental health all of his life. He was to be married next month. life spiraled and he made an impulsive decision to end his life.
i have a lot of feelings.
right now, my concern is to support his family. His younger brother (28) is very good friends with one of my sons.
i expect a huge outpouring of love & support today. His pain became so great that he left his pain with the living.
Tomorrow will be a service, closing of he casket. Procession to burial site
Then A final blessing at the cemetery. after that a funeral luncheon for the family & close friends.

I have some random thoughts that I will share later.

mostly, I would like to hear from you.
A topic to consider. Impact of suicide.
What happens to the living when you leave. Who picks up-the pieces? Parents lost a child. Age doesn’t matter when its your child. Is loss to suicide different than loss from accident or illness? please fill free to share, vent, whatever you choose To share.

 

[A_J_R]

Having recently lost two people I know to suicide, it's been a topic at the front of my brain for some time now. I feel for the families of these people. As someone who has a very hard time dealing the lack of closure when things end (whether by death or a breakup, etc), my heart aches for all of the unanswered questions these people will have to deal with.

At the same time, I still find myself wanting to end my life. I'm not likely to do it, but despite being touched by it so recently, it only shook me for a bit. I still feel like I want to go. It's been a rough sense of contradictory thoughts. It's like I can rationalize that what happened to these other people is a great tragedy that should have been prevented, but I can't stop thinking if something happened to me, it would be for the best.

Not sure that's what you were looking for, but it's what popped up in my head.

And take care of yourself. How good of you to be there to support the family. Very kind and generous. But remember to take time to process this for yourself as well.

 

[Lady Wolfshead]

Unfortunately suicide causes unending pain for those left behind, who will always be wondering if they could have done anything to prevent it. Suicide can cause pain for total strangers which is why news sources no longer mention suicides, due to "contagion" of those who merely hear about it being more likely to end their own lives.

Hardest hit are the family especially the children of people who have died by suicide, who will also be more likely to die by suicide.

I often hear people saying that others will be better off without them - yet they have not consulted those people about their plans, which seems only fair for such a huge decision.

Now that I've said all this, you may be surprised to know that I am not completely opposed to suicide in all circumstances, however I believe in being realistic about its impact on others.

 

[FlamingoWrangler]

@A_J_R
i love your input. its interesting to me. All of the contradictions of human emotions.

would this man have believed the outpouring of love for him? That people were crowded, shoulder to shoulder waiting their turn in line for over an hour to comfort family and say goodbye to him? That everyone there wanted him to be alive.
He had become good at hiding his feelings. “He was fine earlier that day.”

does knowing we are cared about slow or silence suicidal ideation? No. we want our pain to stop.

@Lady Wolfshead
I often wondered why it isn’t reported more in the US. Cantagion is a great word to help me understand. I was surprised when a UK friend said suicides are in the news. Incidentally, it has that effect.
children are definitely effected. its incredibly unfair to them.
i think a dignified death is not always possible. I think it should be.
i appreciate your insight.

 

[Rockclimbinggirl]

I'm sorry for your loss. My mom's friend lost her son about a decade ago to suicide. I hope his family reaches out to a grief counsellor if needed.

 

[KM76710]

Sad to hear the loss and the impact on so many...

 

[Lane]

I am getting ready to go to a viewing.
I am american. Traditions vary in our country but It‘s common to have a viewing. The body is prepared, put in a casket, to be viewed. If not presentable, casket will be present, but closed. People come to pay respects to the family and the dead.
i am going to a mans (29yo) funeral soon. Cause of death suicide. He grew up with my sons & spent plenty of time here in our home. He struggled with mental health all of his life. He was to be married next month. life spiraled and he made an impulsive decision to end his life.
i have a lot of feelings.
right now, my concern is to support his family. His younger brother (28) is very good friends with one of my sons.
i expect a huge outpouring of love & support today. His pain became so great that he left his pain with the living.
Tomorrow will be a service, closing of he casket. Procession to burial site
Then A final blessing at the cemetery. after that a funeral luncheon for the family & close friends.

I have some random thoughts that I will share later.

mostly, I would like to hear from you.
A topic to consider. Impact of suicide.
What happens to the living when you leave. Who picks up-the pieces? Parents lost a child. Age doesn’t matter when its your child. Is loss to suicide different than loss from accident or illness? please fill free to share, vent, whatever you choose To share.

Suicide leaves a family so hurt. Recently a young lady committed suicide, early 30's, leaving my former boss devastated. In fact today is the service which I will attend. I'm also American.

I think suicide has got to be different because you must question how you could have prevented it, as a parent. I have four children @FlamingoWrangler and I have to say, and it's difficult to confess, there is one child of mine that I worry about most that may be depressed and I worry about suicidal thoughts regarding him. He's also can be the meanest to me at times athough now that he's getting older he catches himself. He's 27.

I hope you got through the service ok without too much triggering and I'm sorry for your loss and his family's.

 

[FlamingoWrangler]

Thank you for sharing your heart. Your thoughts. Your worries. I offer my condolences to you.

My sons are 27 & 28. I had to tell them both that I needed them to live. And most importantly, I would always help. …..I can barely type this , the emotion is crushing me.

For me, I focused on offering support and love to the family & fiancée. It was easier to manage emotions that way.

it just occurred to me that my dad’s death anniversary is tomorrow. His birthday was the 16th. i told my mom that i probably wouldn’t remember the death day because i preferred his life & birthday. but sometimes, i Remember.

i hope you are ok. Lots of feels.

 

[FlamingoWrangler]

I stopped by the gravesite today. He has a nice marker In place. i am sad for him, his family.

 

[LonelyHiker]

A very sad affair. Sorry to hear about this 😔

 

[Javier]

I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. I hope you are ok.