bothering u all again

[vbuk]

im sorry, im so so sorry. im bothering u again. why cant i just stop posting. i have to stop bothering people. i didnt know what else to do.

i cant do it n e more. im scared. cant stop crying. cant stop shaking. cant breathe.

i wana end it. i want it over with. i cant cope. just dont see much hope left for me. i hurt and upset everyone. i deserve to die. i want her to be happy but me being me will never make her happy. she will only be happy with me if i get better but i dont think i can get better. these feelings cant go. i dont know how to do it. i just want to die.

im close. im so so close. im a wimp tho so prob wont do it - so dont all come running. ill live to see another of these fucking horrible days.

yesterday a man had a fit outside work and i had to ring the ambulance. the woman on the phone was saying things to me and i was froozen. and when i told the other people around him to not hold him down they wudnt listen. if he had of died the blood wud b on my hands. i was useless. no fucker else was interested.

today a man threatened to get his solicitor onto us at work. cos of something i deal with. he is going to call next week and give me hell and ill lose the plot and break down. i know it. these selfish fuckers are making me want to resign.

im so so weak. cant do this n e more. i need help. there i admit it. i need help. just so god damn scared of it. i have to leave here but i cant do it - im trying but i have nowhere else to go.

im so sorry if i cant carry on. im scared. help. make it go away. im begging. please. im scared. im so scared.

help

 

[Wonkey Toy]

you are not alone.

I also wanted to commit suicide, it is a roller coaster.

I think that when you had it iin life, it is just getting worse...I know because when shit comes, it all comes together and at the same time...

You are not alone...we are here...I am here.

work is a stress place. people stress too much over things because they are afrid to lose business. I know, dealt with drama in workplace before.

dont let them do that to you...if you really dont like your job, if this job leads you to being depressed, I think you should find another job...every workplace has its own energy..some places I worked were too stressful, people there stressed me out all day, I took their stress.

but I know that Ive been happy in other jobs, very happy because people were not making me nervous and I didnt have to take their shit...

I also was threatened at a job in france where they tried to harass me so I resign...because if they fire you, they have to pay something...so they harass people...been there baby and it is not worth to die for ajob...

I left my job in france because my bosses made me do other job: cleaning, and all that jazz and I was a secretary...I had to do the secretary job plus all the shit I was not paid for

once I stayed until 9 pm and they didnt even pay my extra hours,,,they needed so bad it was a translation and no one spoke spanish...see no pay...
I left the god damned job..

I dont tell you to leave your job, because you have to eat, I tell you to see other options, if you can try look out for another job...while you still working..but be discrete, dont ell anyone.

take care..I am here to listen

hugs :cheekkiss

 

[vbuk]

work is the least of my problems. i can resign from work. i want to resign from life. i want it over with. i want to die right now. why cant i

 

[Wonkey Toy]

then what are the problems who make you sad?
your family? friends? your love?

 

[blossom-]

What a lot you have to cope with!
Firstly, you were not useless when the poor guy was having a fit, you were compassionate and concerned, oh, that more people were!
If the other folk didn't heed your words, that was their failing not yours! You gave the correct advise, they were foolish and probably not as aware and informed as you.
You could only do your best, which you did, more credit to you.
The other things sound overwhelming for you, so you know what, don't deal with them all at once.
Ask your self what one thing is the most pressing, what 'has' to be dealt with?
Take your time, we are all here, and will help.
All the problems you are experiencing have at least a coulpe of solutions, choices, so carry on being brave and take adavantage of the advice offered and together we will find some answers.
You are worth the effort of trying to work through these things, give us a chance to be there for you, please. x