My partner and I have been dating for 1.5 years. The relationship has been a rollercoaster - when we’re happy, it’s the most wonderful thing in the world. We have the same interests, same career, same values, same humour. We’d do everything together - work, relax, sleep. We’d make jokes about being pair-bonded zoo animals (in a sweet way). I couldn’t have met a more perfect soul.
However, we also have very intense conflicts. I am getting checked for BPD soon. Basically, I have a crippling fear of abandonment. Once this fear is triggered, I can’t help but see him as my worst enemy, even though I know rationally that’s not the case at all. We don’t yell or anything, but I will say horrible, cruel things that I always regret. And it hurts him terribly.
He took a one week holiday and despite the first few days going alright, I eventually caved to that agonizing feeling of “he left me”. It’s totally irrational because it was a regular holiday to see family. But the pain was real to me. After another brutal argument, he’s asked for a two-week break.
Understanding BPD has helped me cope - I am simply built to hurt more deeply when we’re apart. And he’s required us to attend couple’s therapy after the break. I haven’t mentioned the BPD to him since I’m still working on it with my therapist. And I am trying to respect the break. I’m also terrified of losing him. I understand BPD will make all my intimate relationships hard, but it just feels unfair to have to go through this.
However, we also have very intense conflicts. I am getting checked for BPD soon. Basically, I have a crippling fear of abandonment. Once this fear is triggered, I can’t help but see him as my worst enemy, even though I know rationally that’s not the case at all. We don’t yell or anything, but I will say horrible, cruel things that I always regret. And it hurts him terribly.
He took a one week holiday and despite the first few days going alright, I eventually caved to that agonizing feeling of “he left me”. It’s totally irrational because it was a regular holiday to see family. But the pain was real to me. After another brutal argument, he’s asked for a two-week break.
Understanding BPD has helped me cope - I am simply built to hurt more deeply when we’re apart. And he’s required us to attend couple’s therapy after the break. I haven’t mentioned the BPD to him since I’m still working on it with my therapist. And I am trying to respect the break. I’m also terrified of losing him. I understand BPD will make all my intimate relationships hard, but it just feels unfair to have to go through this.
