A week ago my partner broke up with me. After that we haven't talked but today I asked why because the only explaination I got was that she "wasn't feeling it". She refused to give any other explaination other than that she wasn't as enthusiastic and said she felt uncomfortable talking about it. She's also said that asking why again after that was not respecting boundaries (which I have a problem with as a possible person with autism) but I don't know if it is as a(n unwarranted??) voice tells me I deserve to know why. Anyway aside from that, the main problem is with friendship groups, because there's the main three of her and two others which I hang with in most of my classes. I was kind of an outcast in the group (until I dated her, at which point I was suddenly included and then immediately dropped and excluded from following our breakup) because of my lack of social skills and effort on my side. Because most of my classes are with them (sometimes with my ex and some without) I'm not sure how they'll act or if I'll be completely ignored. I have no other friends and know everyone else (well enough that I can safely say that there are various reasons I'm not friends with all of them). I'm not sure what I'll do if I'm completely excluded because I have no one to go to. The other loner I sometimes talk to has a bunch of other online friends and that is how she survives but I cannot make online friends so that isn't the solution for me. I am completely clueless and scared because being alone sets off my anxiety and o won't be able to cope. I want social advice, not mental health advice as going to a doctor or counsellor for help isn't an option.
Breakup
- Thread starter Mika TH
- Start date
Mika,
Sorry to hear about the breakup. How long had you been together?
Relationships are definitely not my forte, but from the times I have been broken up with I feel like I was always given a BS reason for the breakup. So I think there is no point in pressing for a reason from her because it will not result in reaching the truth. She had the opportunity to be honest and forthcoming and chose not to. Who knows why. All you can do is try to learn from it, and think of what you can do better next time. But don't beat yourself up too bad about it. Try to remember the positives -- which gets easier with time and might feel impossible right now.
As far as friends at class, how many more semesters do you expect to be in classes with these possibly former friends? Hopefully if you can't remain friends, you can all keep a respectful distance and get through classes. You mention a lack of effort on your side -- was that comment regarding friends in general, or just for these specific friends?
Sorry to hear about the breakup. How long had you been together?
Relationships are definitely not my forte, but from the times I have been broken up with I feel like I was always given a BS reason for the breakup. So I think there is no point in pressing for a reason from her because it will not result in reaching the truth. She had the opportunity to be honest and forthcoming and chose not to. Who knows why. All you can do is try to learn from it, and think of what you can do better next time. But don't beat yourself up too bad about it. Try to remember the positives -- which gets easier with time and might feel impossible right now.
As far as friends at class, how many more semesters do you expect to be in classes with these possibly former friends? Hopefully if you can't remain friends, you can all keep a respectful distance and get through classes. You mention a lack of effort on your side -- was that comment regarding friends in general, or just for these specific friends?
it was only three weeks but we were really close for quite a while before. Rather than from the romantic separation, I'm more sad about just having someone that cares and has me as a priority or first choice. I shan't press it further,like you said. I think the lack of effort for friends is in general because I am definitely an introvert and it is exhausting to be with most people and I would prefer to focus on my studies rather than friendships. I have a sneaking suspicion that I'm mildly autistic so maybe that's a factor. I have to be with these people for two more years so unless I move school I will have to keep dealing with them, especially as in seating plans I am often near them, so I'm not sure about distance.
Sure, losing a close friend is no fun. At the same time, I understand that it can be draining to be around people. I believe in time you will make new friends for sure. As long as you are respectful and kind you will find people who want to be around you. Maybe now is a good time to focus on your studies as you said, and then try to make effort for new friends when you are ready.
You got this!
You got this!