Crippling worry about losing loved ones?

agateaqua

Well-Known Member
#1
Hello all,

This happens every day , mostly I will worry about my mom (my dad passed almost 5 years ago). She is 80 years old.
We are so close , super close and I have nobody else in my life that I'm close to, let alone as close as I am to my mom. My brother lives nearby but he has a form of autism, so he means well but can't give any emotional support.

We also live in another country not our home country ( we are dutch living in florida). Technically I'm half american, but I never felt at home here.
So I don't know anybody else here. I'm scared to death of something happening to my mom :( I would be besides myself instantly and feel suicidal. When my dad passed , the father of my son was still in my life and a great support (my ex and son live in sweden as the ex is swedish).

I'm at a complete loss of what to do :(
 

SillyOldBear

Teddy Bears Rule! 🐻
Staff Alumni
#2
I guess you know that your mom will eventually pass away. It is one of the truths of life. I lost my parents many years ago. I still miss them. But it is just a natural process. I also believe that death can be a blessing. Especially if one is seriously ill. It brings a relief to their suffering. And I am a Christian who believes they move on to a much better place. A few ideas for you. How about having your mom tell you some stories from her life and making a recording of those stories. It would be a great memorial. Or help her write down some stories from her life. Maybe now would be a time to seriously cultivate some friendships you seem to be missing. Think of some of the things you are interested in and try and find some local groups that share the same interests. Or try and find some fellow dutchmen in the area. I am sorry you have never felt at home in Florida. Would returning to the Netherlands be a possibility? There are grief counsellors who specialize in losses like this. Maybe one would be available to help you better prepare. Nothing will stop your mom's death from hurting. But you are wise to recognize that it will really be an issue for you. Such recognition will allow you to better prepare for it.
 

Human Ex Machinae

Void Where Prohibited
#3
Aga, sadly, losing loved ones when they get older is part of life. It's something we all have in common and have to face, eventually. Enjoy the time you have with her and show her lots of love. After she's gone, don't get suicidal. You hurting yourself in any way would be the absolute last thing she'd ever want to happen. Stay alive so your son can have you in his life as long as she's been in yours. And also, when someone we love dies, that part of themselves they gave to us stays with us, as long as we live, and as long as we're in the world, part of them is too.
 

agateaqua

Well-Known Member
#4
Thanks for the words , but I feel so close to panic all the time. I know if something happens to her, right at this moment, I will die as well. I will stop eating/drinking and just crumble. I wish I had more siblings or family nearby. She also lives in a big house and how on earth would I manage all of that alone with my brother, even if I'm okay enough ? It's overwhelming to even think about :(
 

BlueGreen

Well-Known Member
#5
Thanks for the words , but I feel so close to panic all the time. I know if something happens to her, right at this moment, I will die as well. I will stop eating/drinking and just crumble. I wish I had more siblings or family nearby. She also lives in a big house and how on earth would I manage all of that alone with my brother, even if I'm okay enough ? It's overwhelming to even think about :(
@agateaqua Is there a reason why you feel panic now? She has lived to a good age and has your love. It's unlikely something will happen any minute so enjoy the time you have with her. Ask her about the house and get advice about how she manages it. Maybe when the time comes you will find it full of memories of her. You sound like a wonderful daughter, I'm sure she would love her house to be looked after and lived in by you. If not, then you can get advice on how to sell it, if that's what you want to do. There are always ways of getting help but for now, enjoy being with your mum and keep making good memories together.
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#7
i'm sorry but I just saw this thread. I don't know your mother so I don't know if this will help. I almost died last april from respiratory failure and seeing my family looking at me on life support broke my heart , my oldest son was a wreck and he's usually a rock. I felt bad that they were so destroyed and I know it will be hard when I passed so I have been doing something about It. I have had a good life and i'm very happy with it I've been married 40 years have 3 great kids two in management I am ready to go. I hope I live another 30 years but when I go I don't want people to mourn and suffer I want people to celebrate my life. what do you think your mom would want for you to celebrate her life and love her and all those memories in your past or for you to suffer and focus on the negative. your time will come and when you get old and eventually pass do you want your son to celebrate your life and cherish your relationship or would you want him to mourn and suffer from you passing. you wil be sad but I hope you can look at the other side of the coin. mike *hug
 

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