Dementia - losing a family member a bit more every day

[twinklil]

This is a strange kind of grief that I and other family members are carrying. Slowly - each day - losing someone we live to a disease we do not truly understand. Trying to hold onto the love we carry for this person and working with her as slowly she has little strokes, gets frustrated with herself and not remembering who she really is, or who she is connected too. Watching her try to find her way back to her childhood when that time is long gone, or walk out the door dressed in many layers of clothes when she only needs one layer, these are the kinds of experiences she faces with courage each and every day.

We are powerless to slow this disease and its progression slowly taking the person we know and changing her into someone we are adapting too - just everyday there's a change we have to adapt too.

It hurts to lose someone you love, its a cruel disease dementia. The person I love is still there and always will be. Just so hard to lose someone you love slowly as the disease takes her mind slowly away from us.

 

[DrownedFishOnFire]

Yes I am sorry you and your family has to go through this. Its not an easy thing. Being there but not there at the same time its her soul barely holding onto living in that shell of a body that looks just like her it is really truly a painstaking process of a loss. All I can say from dealing with this in my life is just keep remembering the good times and take this one hour at a time with her and keep smiling through the pain. Keep loving her the best you can with some dignity and respect as its a huge test as a family/friends/loved unit to come together and ease the journey. No matter what time frame she is at the moment its truly alot of time consuming responsibility to keep her safe. Its not fair to give that burden to anyone else alone, truly this situation needs a village to help. It is weird I agree it is truly a slow painful process of a true loss. Hugs to you and everyone around her.

 

[JacsMom]

My dad is in late stage Alzheimer's, so I completely understand what you are going through. It's devastating. He doesn't recognize anyone anymore. He's a shell of the person he used to be. It's like he's not even my father anymore. I've watched his mind waste away for the past several years, and it's heartbreaking. And knowing you are helpless is the worst thing of all. It's like watching someone slowly die a bit every day. I miss my dad. Sending you hugs and empathy.

 

[Kiwi2016]

This is a strange kind of grief that I and other family members are carrying. Slowly - each day - losing someone we live to a disease we do not truly understand. Trying to hold onto the love we carry for this person and working with her as slowly she has little strokes, gets frustrated with herself and not remembering who she really is, or who she is connected too. Watching her try to find her way back to her childhood when that time is long gone, or walk out the door dressed in many layers of clothes when she only needs one layer, these are the kinds of experiences she faces with courage each and every day.

We are powerless to slow this disease and its progression slowly taking the person we know and changing her into someone we are adapting too - just everyday there's a change we have to adapt too.

It hurts to lose someone you love, its a cruel disease dementia. The person I love is still there and always will be. Just so hard to lose someone you love slowly as the disease takes her mind slowly away from us.

 

[Walker]

Hi there. I've not had an incredibly close family member with dementia but I've had them in the immediate family. It's a tough road there. I get what you're saying about watching that person sliding away from what was once "them". They're still in there though, it's still your loved one. It's impassioned, it's hard, it's unforgiving and terrifying... but any time is worth it in the end. At some point you'll wish you just had them this way, or any way, you know? Take care of yourself. Remember to "do you", as they say.

 

[Kiwi2016]

I apologize as just realized my post didn't post, so I will try again. I lost my mother to early on-set dementia two years ago and my heart goes out to you and your family. It is an incredibly cruel disease and there are no words to help ease your pain. And I know that each situation is different so hope that you don't mind my sharing a bit of my experience. One thing that I thought would share is that music seemed to be the one thing that still reached my mother ...in her case she loved those timeless musicals (South Pacific, My Fair Lady) and so my father got those on video for her to watch and though she became essentially non-verbal she would sometimes start to sing along, So perhaps playing favorite music would help- as somehow music brought an inner sense of happiness to my mom if that makes sense as she still was aware of her situation and so would become frustrated. Also, though estranged from my parents for many years, when I did go back to visit her there was still that special sparkle in her eyes when I talked with her though she couldn't respond verbally I did feel that she knew I was there as she would smile.So I believe that you and your family surrounding her with love does make an incredible difference. These are small things I know but so often it is the small things in life that can mean so much. I send you and your family heartfelt hugs as know how hard this is.