Do You Often Apologize for Things That Are Not Your Fault?

[Here Then Gone]

I do, but feel I shouldn't have to.
For those coming from an abusive background there's a tendency to get into the habit of apologizing for things that are in no way shape or form caused by you, yet it's like a natural reaction to feel some guilt for it. Some abusers in my past have also put me into this habit by expecting me to feel bad for something they did. Also, especially if you work in customer service and want to keep your bosses and customers happy, you will be apologizing for things you had no part in. I've done this a lot in poorly run companies.

I feel like I'm going to be apologizing for things I didn't do until the day I die, like it's just a part of my life. In a perfect world, we would only take responsibility for mistakes we made instead are expected to feel guilt for things we wanted nothing to do with. Narcissists almost never say they are sorry because it's always somebody else's fault in their mind, and I can't stand that. Have you felt this way, if so how do you positively react to it?

 

[Windhover]

I used to do so more in the past, when I was still with my husband. ... Lately I have been forgiving myself but it's not enough. I only feel more like myself, more positive when actively doing stuff a little outside my comfort zone. I suppose it's a way to practice not apologising and not letting negative thoughts or self-recrimination take hold. I'm starting to see recovery from abuse as a re-raising my self. I was not completely dependent on him, but if I had been this'd be much harder. Un-sorrying support to you.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

I tend to do this often, and it's almost like second nature at this point, like it seems easier to blame myself for everything.

 

[AvidFan]

I can be guilty of this. And will sometimes apologise just in case I might have said something somebody might have taken the wrong way. It definitely comes from having a volatile family member growing up, who would twist even positive things into attacks and then attack back, so I tend to have a fawn response in certain conflict situations. I manage it better these days, but it's definitely there.

 

[Here Then Gone]

It definitely comes from having a volatile family member growing up

I'm thinking a lot of this has to do with past trauma from youth and is a learned behavior, possibly even a coping skill? I'm not sure that it's healthy though. I don't like to be made to feel guilty for things that are not my fault, there's enough of that in life as is.

I guess I'm not the only one though.

 

[BlackSheep 007]

Hmm, all things are my fault. So I excuse myself all the time..... I am a walking disaster.