Dreading the weekend

[may71]

Don't feel i did a good job with it though.

Why not?

Living really hurts, you know?

I'm sorry it hurts so much. It's good that you're able to talk about how you feel though.

something happens that just reminds me of how I can never be worth love and acceptance.

If you had the exact same life, but you felt worthy of love and acceptance, do you feel like that would make all the difference? Like you could still feel rejected, but feel like you were worthy of acceptance but just didn't get it.

 

[Lady Wolfshead]

I won't say that isn't true. But often, I feel people are able to do that when they have positive reinforcement in their lives. As in not being rejected constantly or walking through a store and being laughed at, which is something that happened recently. Sorry, it's just a lot of assholes out there who don't get the meaning of loving others and yet, they easily find it. Doesn't make sense.

I personally have come to the conclusion that the directive to "love yourself" is too difficult and intangible for many of us. I find it easier to follow "Have compassion for all, starting with yourself." and "Respect yourself."

 

[sadhart]

Why not?

I'm sorry it hurts so much. It's good that you're able to talk about how you feel though.

If you had the exact same life, but you felt worthy of love and acceptance, do you feel like that would make all the difference? Like you could still feel rejected, but feel like you were worthy of acceptance but just didn't get it.

I just ended up writing out the cons of trying to socialize rather than any pros. And as far as what you had asked about being rejected...maybe. But as it stands, it's hard trying to not internalize rejections or being judged harshly.

 

[may71]

I just ended up writing out the cons of trying to socialize rather than any pros.

If socializing is too painful for you, avoiding it might not be a bad idea at least in the short term. Maybe you could ask your therapist about this.

 

[sadhart]

If socializing is too painful for you, avoiding it might not be a bad idea at least in the short term. Maybe you could ask your therapist about this.

Had an appointment yesterday and I failed yet again to get the things I needed to say out. I held back so much and I just felt like such a rambling mess. On top of that I get a call from my mother asking me to help finance something regarding the family house. And I honestly am reluctant about it. She always has these "bright ideas" that she never fully thinks all the way through about.

This is really not a good week so far.

 

[may71]

Had an appointment yesterday and I failed yet again to get the things I needed to say out.

Do you know why you held back?

On top of that I get a call from my mother asking me to help finance something regarding the family house. And I honestly am reluctant about it. She always has these "bright ideas" that she never fully thinks all the way through about.

Do you think you'd be able to say no to her? I think it would be ok to give her a direct refusal, but if you're not comfortable with that, maybe you could just say you don't have the money.

 

[sadhart]

Do you know why you held back?

Do you think you'd be able to say no to her? I think it would be ok to give her a direct refusal, but if you're not comfortable with that, maybe you could just say you don't have the money.

I don't think they're expecting me to use any of my own money. They just want me to put my name on the application. I just feel very out of sorts and having stuff like this isn't really helping. Yet, I want to do my best to help if I can.

 

[may71]

They just want me to put my name on the application.

If you're cosigning for a loan, I think that means you're on the hook if she can't pay. Is this some kind of home improvement project or expansion?

 

[sadhart]

If you're cosigning for a loan, I think that means you're on the hook if she can't pay. Is this some kind of home improvement project or expansion?

Yes, this is a very old house and there are severe problems with things like the pipes. They told me that they will take care of the loan. The only thing I am uncomfortable with is something unexpected can happen and I wouldn't know what to do if this would end up on me alone. It makes me feel like I'm not much of an adult.

 

[may71]

I don't think it's a bad reflection on you as an adult, it's just that your family is demanding something from you that's unreasonable.

There's more than one way to respond. You could refuse outright to cosign for the loan. Another approach might be to cosign for an amount that is less than they want, but within what you could afford to pay if this all ended up getting dumped on you.

Your family might be unhappy if you went with one of the options above, but it's also ok if they're unhappy, as long as you could deal with an repercussions from that.

If you decide to cosign for the loan that they want, there could be cost overruns, especially if the contractor is unscrupulous. Also, even if everything goes as planned, the fact that the bank doesn't want to loan them the money without a cosigner indicates that they're not creditworthy, so they think there's too high a risk they won't pay the money back.

Have you ever cosigned on a loan for them before?