Well I did it again. This time I really fucked up. I've been seeing my therapist for 7 years. She has been my only support. She's supported me in ways no one ever has. I've seen her as the mother figure my mom will never be. She knew this. She knew how attached I got to her. She played apart in it to by providing me the physical comfort my mom never did. When jcat passed away my therapist just held me and let me cry. When my grandparents passed she did the same thing. Whenever I struggle she knew how to support me. She knew when I'd stop eating without me having to say anything. She knew when I'd start drinking. Well now she's retired and gone from my life. She told me about 2 months ago, I was really upset and avoided the subject for the first few session. I asked her in an email to not let me avoid it. I expressed how upset I was in several emails/text to her. I called her upset and crying one weekend Over her leaving. I dont feel like she supported me in her leaving. We didn't talk about it in session. She didn't bring it up and neither would I. I know its on me to. She's seeing other clients virtually but she won't see me because I moved out of state last year. She is also moving out of state. My insurance says she's I'm my network and covers virtual visits but she will not see me. I asked her if we can stay in contact occasionally and she pulled the your out of state card. I asked her to reach out to someone for me and let them know what's going on and that I need support and she has failed to do that. I hate that I did this again. I know not to get close to people. I'm not good enough for anyone to stick around for. No one will care for me in the ways I search for and if they do its just temporary. It sorta feels unreal. Like she's just on vacation she'll be back. I really fucked up.
Hate myself
- Thread starter panda685
- Start date
Panda, this is not your fault. People get old and retire. They become unable to keep up all their old connections. Its just one of those unavoidable things in life. Do not blame yourself, or hate yourself for this. I am an old lady and, as such, have watched many people leave my life. It hurts. It leaves holes in your life. But it is not your fault. I hope you will search out another therapist to support you.
She's only retiring from me. She's continuing to see all her other peeps but not me. I wish she would have never told me that cuz I am taking it personal. I've been out of state for a year now and she's been seeing me every week so why suddenly it's an issue when she moves out of state I don't know.
