I know that I have a thread in My Story that I regularly update but I feel that I need more immediate help with things that have happened recently without the need for all the background from that thread. Anywho, I've been having panic attacks almost every night when I first want to go to sleep, around 10pm-midnight. Most nights it takes me all the way to 3 or 4am to calm down enough to sleep. It has gotten worse when I found out that one of my favorite pastimes, karaoke, just had an opening for a DJ. Not to come across as bragging but I always thought that I would be perfect as a DJ since I have a Bachelor's in Theatre Production and worked for over 10 years as both a stage manager and a sound designer. However every time I asked about working as a DJ I would get nothing back from the company that trains them and asking the other DJs would result in dead ends. In addition to this emotional hit I also found out that the baseball umpire job that I found still requires about $300-$350 worth of equipment that I still need and a search of CraigsList and Facebook yield zero results. I also don't know how long I can rely on state programs and my parents help in paying my bills. Oh, did I forget to mention that I also get panic attacks when I try to apply for jobs or when an interview may come up since I have had almost a dozen jobs now, all lasting under 2 years and most ending because I had a panic attack on the job? Seems relevant. So I can't work because I have panic attacks, I can't sleep because I have panic attacks and all of the jobs that I would be excited and good at get slammed in my face. I'm 38. Maybe I should take the hint. I've had a good run, I think.
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I always screw everything up
- Thread starter ThanosIsKing
- Start date
It feels like I've had to start from ground zero multiple times in my life. I'm just tired of having to do so, plus never being told when such a position is open hurts me to my soul. It's why I say that almost getting to 40 is a good run. I'm exhausted from all the times I've had to start over. It's not happening again.
