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I hate having sexual thoughts about a married man.
- Thread starter Lonelyheart200
- Start date
I’ve heard that one of the reasons why people feel attracted to unobtainable people is because it is safe. Because there is no real prospect of it actually happening you can imagine the person to be anything you want. You don’t have to deal with having a relationship with a real person with flaws and incompatibilities and there is no risk of breaking up.
I understand the feelings of guilt and shame over having these thoughts. I have been there. I have since learned that we cannot control our thoughts. No one can. It’s what we do with those thoughts that shows us our character.
Thoughts are neither good nor bad, whether they are murderous fantasies, or mystical insights, or anywhere in between. They are all just thoughts. Consider the opposite perspective. Can someone else harm you by thinking certain thoughts about you?
I share your conviction, though, that it’s a bad idea to be involved with someone who is already attached. Unless the relationship is open, and even that is probably not something I would knowingly do, because I prefer monogamy. So the important action is to keep such thoughts in the realm of fantasy rather than ever acting on them.
Thoughts are neither good nor bad, whether they are murderous fantasies, or mystical insights, or anywhere in between. They are all just thoughts. Consider the opposite perspective. Can someone else harm you by thinking certain thoughts about you?
I share your conviction, though, that it’s a bad idea to be involved with someone who is already attached. Unless the relationship is open, and even that is probably not something I would knowingly do, because I prefer monogamy. So the important action is to keep such thoughts in the realm of fantasy rather than ever acting on them.
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Honestly, I also see a massive difference between having thoughts and acting on them. Morally, one is still fine and the other can be wrong.
You're not hurting anyone by having thoughts, and pretty much everyone has bad thoughts at times. Like a wish to kill a person you hate, it might even be accompanied by a lot of angry feelings, but as long as you never plan for it and actually try (most people won't), you're very far from a murderer.
You're being very hard on yourself, and I think you shouldn't feel so guilty. It sounds like you're single so it's not even like you're betraying anyone. So many people find random people attractive and have sexual thoughts about them! It's biological.
That being said, it causes you a lot of distress right now and I'm sorry about that. You might feel better if you could avoid that person (?) and/or perhaps get into dating yourself so you can fill your brain with thoughts about someone available.
You're not hurting anyone by having thoughts, and pretty much everyone has bad thoughts at times. Like a wish to kill a person you hate, it might even be accompanied by a lot of angry feelings, but as long as you never plan for it and actually try (most people won't), you're very far from a murderer.
You're being very hard on yourself, and I think you shouldn't feel so guilty. It sounds like you're single so it's not even like you're betraying anyone. So many people find random people attractive and have sexual thoughts about them! It's biological.
That being said, it causes you a lot of distress right now and I'm sorry about that. You might feel better if you could avoid that person (?) and/or perhaps get into dating yourself so you can fill your brain with thoughts about someone available.
