I hate life, i hate society

[lost_child]

curl up, disappear and die ~ why pretend that life will one day be ok, that one day happiness and peace will be ur's..They can't be any more tomorrows, no more todays. The smile on my face, the laugh ppl hear...hides what's really happening.

cocktail of tablets, no alocohol, close my eyes, sleep forever. please lord I'm begging u I can't take anymore. please :sad:

 

[Blackness]

I wish I could diappear too!

 

[lost_child]

there's an angel guiding me to heaven
she's reaching out and taken my hand
no longer, does she want me on this land
she's accepted that it came to much
and now she's helping me to be free.
Prepare the tablets, and drink the drink
take the tablets, one by one i'm slowing gone.
close my eyes and sleep,
when I wake I will be heaven
I will be with the angels, I will be free.
take the tablets and the drink
it was too late to save me
I wanted to stay and grow
but today, they won
she destroyed me and killed my last bit of hope
now I'm gone, the tablets, the drink, they won.

Look in the mirror and what do I see?
looking back, are the signs of a battered mind.
a battered, twisted and stained heart
a life, that I just can't depart.

The eyes, show the pain inside
this thing no longer has any pride.
a scar, when she once again lost control
she no longer has a soul.

A broken thing, that can't be repaired.
cause the girl is just to scared.
she doesn't know what to do
instead she runs and hides.

Curl up in a ball and protect herself
I wish I could just kill oneself.
then the pain would be gone
I would then be free.

The lord won't open the gates
this life is a punishment, is this my fate
why won't he let the pain end
why won't he be a friend.

Please lord I'm begging you
give me one more chance and open the door.
let me in, free me from this pain
let me start again.

Please lord..I can't take anymore.
please lord..free me from the chains
please lord..I can't take no more pain
please lord..i'm ready to go.

 

[see]

The darkness is blinding
hang on, fight, dont give up
your pain, your agony so intense
dont let them win
Your pain will be your strength oneday
Just hang on a bit longer
stand strong you can!!!!!!

 

[lost_child]

I hear what ur saying See, I really do ~ I just wish the thoughts would stop or ease of...this constent battle is draining me.

 

[lost_child]

On the train and there he was..the guy who ra*ed me in 05. Looking at me, staring at me.. all the thoughts and feelins of that nite have come back. I'm sorry but this life was never meant to be. I will be happier on the other side

tc much love to all.

 

[Ze'ev-Hayalim]

dont let this scumbag scare you or intimidate you, you're a survivor, and you're a testament to that this very day.

giving in seems so ideal, but suicide is a altruism: it looks so welcoming, so warm but if it smells like sh*t, looks like sh*t, then it must be sh*t.

stay strong

Gabe

 

[lost_child]

I try not to but he does.....I feel so useless and pathetic I can't even cry, I stop myself crying how pathetic am I. sorry

 

[The_Discarded]

On the train and there he was..the guy who ra*ed me in 05. Looking at me, staring at me.. all the thoughts and feelins of that nite have come back. I'm sorry but this life was never meant to be. I will be happier on the other side

tc much love to all.

I'm sorry. I know how it is... :sad:

If only I could ease some of that pain for you.

Hang tight, please. Please take care of yourself! You're stronger than he. You've held on. You're triumphing this very moment.

And not crying doesn't make you pathetic. You're (and admirably so) trying to deal in any way you know how.

Anytime you need to talk, I'll be around... :hug: :hug: :hug:

Be safe. Try to hang in there.

 

[lost_child]

I'm sorry The_Discarded I hope I didn't trigger you, sorry..sorry.

I don't feel very strong, I'm laughing and joking with my flat mate...but inside I just want the nite to end so I can go to bed and take my pills and sleep forever..she will be at work tomorrow and won't be home till late Friday nite or saturday so I will be alone and no1 will find me. I keep remembering the nite....the pain, the feelings, the words he said to me... if I ever tell it will happen again, he said he would always be watching me and he is. I can't live waiting for him to do it again. I can't live with it. I can't no no no no no its not fair.

 

[The_Discarded]

I'm sorry The_Discarded I hope I didn't trigger you, sorry..sorry.

I don't feel very strong, I'm laughing and joking with my flat mate...but inside I just want the nite to end so I can go to bed and take my pills and sleep forever..she will be at work tomorrow and won't be home till late Friday nite or saturday so I will be alone and no1 will find me. I keep remembering the nite....the pain, the feelings, the words he said to me... if I ever tell it will happen again, he said he would always be watching me and he is. I can't live waiting for him to do it again. I can't live with it. I can't no no no no no its not fair.

No no, you haven't triggered me. :hug: Don't worry about that. =)

You're stronger than you feel. I know it.

And no, it isn't fair. It isn't fair the way you were treated, and it isn't fair that you have to reap the consequences of someone else's bad behavior.

I'm sorry you don't feel safe, and I hope someday he'll know the pain he's put you through. Until then, is there any thing you can do about it? Anyone you can tell? I'm probably just repeating what you've already heard, but there must be something you can do. He shouldn't be walking the streets the way he is. :sad:

Best of wishes to you... I empathize... :hug: You don't feel strong now, because you have so much against you. But once issues subside, you'll feel stronger. You'll see your strength all over again.

I really hope you don't hurt yourself. xx

 

[ScorchedInBlack]

I'm sorry The_Discarded I hope I didn't trigger you, sorry..sorry.

I don't feel very strong, I'm laughing and joking with my flat mate...but inside I just want the nite to end so I can go to bed and take my pills and sleep forever..she will be at work tomorrow and won't be home till late Friday nite or saturday so I will be alone and no1 will find me. I keep remembering the nite....the pain, the feelings, the words he said to me... if I ever tell it will happen again, he said he would always be watching me and he is. I can't live waiting for him to do it again. I can't live with it. I can't no no no no no its not fair.

I know what it is like to be raped sweetheart
it has happened to me several times
and it fucking shattered me in a thousand pieces
there are people here and people out there that care so much about you

I have flashbacks all of the time
and they end up in blood and tears
always its the same damn shit
wanting it to be over but hanging on to a small piece
of hope that maybe tomorrow a new day is coming..
the first person that raped me said he'd kill me if I told
four years later I told
and here I am
still alive
don't give that motherfucker the power of you
he doesn't deserve it
he's a piece of shit
your better than him now
he can't touch you unless you let him

I am here if you need me :hug:
stay safe and take care

 

[lost_child]

Theres nothing I can do ~ I tell he will kill me, I don't tell I will kill me.... I can't go on everyday like this. I'm sorry. How do u survive rape and abuse when u feel dead already, my ex sent me a text to say he will be round soon cause he wants some p***y ~ I honestly can't escape,I can't live like this. ~ I didn't let him I promise I didn't I tried to fight back but I was too weak, I tried to say no... How many times do I have to be raped, abused before god lets me go and stops it ~ please let it be tonite, 02/08/07

Tonight when I close my eyes I won't be thinking of tomorrow, or how they hurt me, or how I've nothing left, or how I feel so lonely i will close my eyes knowing it will be the last time I do so here on earth.

I tried to fight, survive, to fight the memories, the triggers, the emotional scars.

sorry....I don't know what else to do, I'm in a mess...my heads screwed up.

 

[lost_child]

:please: is it too late...i've started now i can't stop now can I its too late for me.

 

[The_Discarded]

:hug: :sad:

 

[lost_child]

:sorry: I just want the pain to stop, to go away. why won't it go away. I want a new life.

 

[The_Discarded]

I wish I knew why it wouldn't. It sucks that some of the least-deserving people get some of the worst shit.

Thinking of you.

 

[lost_child]

Head hurting, feel faint, been sick, stomach pains, grey looking and feeling like general crap ~ and all my own fault... still managed to go to counsellor. I really need to talk and yet I have no1 to talk to and not sure I even have the words. so useless.

 

[BrokenMe]

don't give up... just hang on a little longer... bit by bit... damn i would enjoy killing some skumbags like that before taking my life... i want to die... but i want to know that i did at least one thing right before i go... i know i might not be helpful... but you are a lot stronger than many people... hold on to that strenght... life does suck and i don't know if i'll be here tomorrow anymore... but i will try. you try that too... little by little, day by day...