Venting I really should just do it

[Hickery_killa00]

well I guess I can start off with I always think of myself in scenarios where I die.

I dont know what's wrong with me... I don't have anything specific to be depressed about but... I just cant help the feeling especially the feeling of hatred I hold for myself.

I've tried to become happier but it only made it worse that I started to cut myself and its pretty hard to hide them especially with how hot it has gotten. One time I tried chocking myself with my computer charger but I pussied out and ended up letting go. in the end it was a fail I guess I knew I shouldnt hold much expectations for myself.

But I guess the only reason I'm alive is cause I still have to take care of my cats my brother doesn't give two shits about them and my mom is busy with hers she doesn't need more if I were to leave...

I wish I were dead buried in the soil this moment the feeling of the cold dirt on my dead skin as my mind fades. oh well then again I can never have what I want like always... I hate myself for it everyday I cant even look at myself in the mirror just seeing the horrible girl looking back at me I always feel sick in my stomach I just want to vomit.

 

[lethargicdialogue]

how did you started hating yourself? did something happened?
thats awful that your saying this stuff about yourself , like a wish to be dead
as you say, your family members don't care about you. remember that the only one who can truly help you – its you. even if you hate yourself so much and you see yourself as something horrible, think about your good qualities. im sure youre a good person, you take care of your cats, and as you said, theyre what is keeping you from trying to end your life.
but just know that only you can pull yourself out of this low point and get back on your feet.
depression is hard, it can be long-lasting and suicidal and apathetic thoughts really disrupt the rhythm of life. But try to find the strength within yourself not to let yourself sink to the very bottom, stay afloat, and maybe you’ll even make it out of this low point.

 

[may71]

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad.

Sending hugs if you would like hugs

 

[FlamingoWrangler]

well I guess I can start off with I always think of myself in scenarios where I die.

I dont know what's wrong with me... I don't have anything specific to be depressed about but... I just cant help the feeling especially the feeling of hatred I hold for myself.

I've tried to become happier but it only made it worse that I started to cut myself and its pretty hard to hide them especially with how hot it has gotten. One time I tried chocking myself with my computer charger but I pussied out and ended up letting go. in the end it was a fail I guess I knew I shouldnt hold much expectations for myself.

But I guess the only reason I'm alive is cause I still have to take care of my cats my brother doesn't give two shits about them and my mom is busy with hers she doesn't need more if I were to leave...

I wish I were dead buried in the soil this moment the feeling of the cold dirt on my dead skin as my mind fades. oh well then again I can never have what I want like always... I hate myself for it everyday I cant even look at myself in the mirror just seeing the horrible girl looking back at me I always feel sick in my stomach I just want to vomit.

I am sorry you’re feeling so low. you’ve found a supportive group. I hope you can find a way to keep living. Welcome to SF.

 

[FlamingoWrangler]

how did you started hating yourself? did something happened?
thats awful that your saying this stuff about yourself , like a wish to be dead
as you say, your family members don't care about you. remember that the only one who can truly help you – its you. even if you hate yourself so much and you see yourself as something horrible, think about your good qualities. im sure youre a good person, you take care of your cats, and as you said, theyre what is keeping you from trying to end your life.
but just know that only you can pull yourself out of this low point and get back on your feet.
depression is hard, it can be long-lasting and suicidal and apathetic thoughts really disrupt the rhythm of life. But try to find the strength within yourself not to let yourself sink to the very bottom, stay afloat, and maybe you’ll even make it out of this low point.

Hello @lethargicdialogue ,
that’s a very kind and supportive reply. I hope we can support you also. Welcome to SF!