It's to your credit that you feel bad for hurting somebody. The two of you might be able to come back from it........you seem to care about the relationship so it's worth the risk to try and make things right again. Forgiveness is a two person thing, one person asks to be forgiven and hopefully the other lets the hurt go and things can be OK between them. Give it a shot......
And suicide is an option a lot of people around here consider........try and resist it.
I'm glad you're here on this forum and I'll be glad to hear how things are going for you if you wish to share.