I'm on the brink

[ddddeliiii]

The ONLY thing stopping me right now is a lack of know-how. I don't want to feel a lot of pain, and I REALLY don't want to fail. If I attempt, it has to work. Previously, something in me really wanted to cling to life. I've lost it and I'm happy to accept defeat. I'm only 20, but I really don't want to live another six months. I want to fall asleep and never wake up. That would be a gift to me. I am neurodivergent in all the lousy ways. I make life really hard for myself, and I can't imagine it being any other way. I'd stay for my two best friends, I love them more than anything else in the world, but the intensity of my urge to die is starting to rival that of my love for my friends. I want to say goodbye, cruel world, but I'm stuck here.

 

[Windhover]

I'm sorry you are feeling the sense being stuck. I know it, at least for me.

When you're here, you'll be supported in sticking around yet being understood for feeling suicidaly. Love of and for friends are wonderful things to have in your life. Try to keep the belief that love, including for yourself, is something to hold onto.

I hope it's okay I am being so positive sounding.

Welcome to SF @ddddeliiii

 

[Windhover]

I have to go to sleep pretty soon here. I'm telling you that in case I don't respond for a few hours.

Please take care.

 

[may71]

Usually there's a better way out than a suicide attempt. I hope you'll be able to find a way to make things better both for your sake and the sake of your friends. Maybe we can help?

 

[ddddeliiii]

Usually there's a better way out than a suicide attempt. I hope you'll be able to find a way to make things better both for your sake and the sake of your friends. Maybe we can help?

I appreciate that. The thought of succeeding is bringing me so much comfott right now. It never even has before. Ive feared death all my life and now i just dont even want to live at all

 

[may71]

A lot of people here have expressed similar sentiments. Maybe taking comfort in the thought is ok in itself, but it's dangerous if it makes you more likely to make an attempt.