I'm sick of my life

[Ogna]

I feel like I've been so slow and depressed lately, and my family thinks I'm too lazy, and I think so too, so today I went to the library for the first time in a long time and did the dishes, so I tried to believe again that I can get better, but in reality, I haven't gotten better at all, and I'm still a piece of shit. I'm always challenging myself to do something, but never improving, and the worst part is that whenever I try to get better, no one seems to notice, they just think I'm acting weird, so when I don't do anything, they accuse me of not doing anything. I don't know what the hell to do, and now it's painful to even have casual conversations with my family. I feel like there are many reasons not to die, but not really any reason to live. If it's really for me, shouldn't I make the choice I want?
I don't have anywhere else to vent about this, but I always write it down in my phone notepad, which makes me even more depressed, so I'm posting it here. Please forgive me if my sentences are strange. I'm using translator.

 

[LumberJack]

I have had similar feelings before. You will find supportive people here. We all know what it is like for us, and that’s why we are here already.

 

[may71]

Welcome to SF Ogna

I'm still a piece of shit

It sounds to me like you're doing the best you can under difficult circumstances. Please be gentle with yourself.

 

[AvidFan]

Sorry you are feeling this way - but welcome to the forum and I hope you find this place helpful. You are among people who understand. Sometimes it's helpful just to feel heard and acknowledged.

 

[Fbr27]

Are you really that bad as you think you are?

Sometimes we think we are dumb or bad at work or at doing stuff, but a lot of how society works is about faking it.

 

[shadowrider]

Hey there.

I'm sorry you're family thinks that way family dont really understand how depression works or they deny it cos they prefer a happy smiling family so the people on the outside thinks there a perfect happy family.

Being so down a depressed is brutal especially when you stop doing daily things like chores going out for anything but the you'll know when its get so much worse you'll stop showering brushing teeth etc. So I think what you did forcing yourself to go library doing house chores etc. It wont start to feel any better soon but keep doing what you're doing force yourself to do things go out anything cos routine is the key to everything as routine is important so force yourself to do stuff maybe write down a to-do list.

Don't worry about you're family don't do chores to get a good response or praise from them. Just keep doing what you do for yourself be proud of yourself for doing things you're important remember that. And it's good you're writing down how you're feeling etc which is good. Its gonna make you feel like crap reading what you wrote but it's like a diary of how you're feeling each day you'll be surprised how many depressed people actually keep a diary of how there feeling.

Just keep going the best you can my friend never give up. I understand life is worthless right now but that doesn't mean you're worthless you're nowhere near it. Depressions a bitch never let's go. It does get better my friend but it doesn't get better on it's own it's us who has to fight it everyday.

Be strong and remember people think people with depression are weak and damaged yea we are damaged but we are a lot stronger than normal people we live like this everyday fighting it. I'm almost 40 for 30 years iv been this way yet I'm still here. Yea iv had attempts before but still here.

 

[KM76710]

Glad that you joined and this is a fine spot to chat with others and get to know them. You can express all you like and your typing is coming through very well with a translator. I hope you keep coming back and get to know the site we have here.