Lost the only person that cares, don't want life anymore.

[SpencerKng]

I'm just an 18 year old male but I have been best friends with this beautiful girl inside and out for around 4 (going on 5) years, so that's my whole teenagehood.. She's been there for me when I'm feeling shitty about my past relationships and we always kind of liked eachother. And then we decided to date and give it a shot because we thought that we would be the best couple ever pretty much since we connected so well. 4 months or so passed and we had a few fights which is only natural in a teenage relationship but now I fucked up so bad and I don't know what to do.
We broke up and I started messaging this other girl and I was pretty much flirting with her and I hung out with her and my friends and then she went home. I didn't cheat on her I didn't even kiss the girl it was just a hang-out..

I obviously wanted to get rid of all evidence of this because I thought my ex wouldn't take me back if she knew about it. So while I was trying to patch things up and make things work again with the girl I love saw conversations I had with the girl where I agreed to go hang out with her and was pretty much being a retard and flirting with her. The whole time she knew about this I was trying to lie my way out of it in hopes that I could be with her again since I couldn't really find anybody else attractive even if I was single at the time. But she told me that she never wanted to speak to me again or see me and that this was pretty much the last of our friendship/relationship.

I honestly don't know how to handle this, because I had a heartbreaking relationship in the past but this is completely different. This girl has always been there for me she is there when I am sick, when I do something stupid and have to pay the consequences she was always there by my side.. The pain and shame that I am feeling right now is immense I have honestly looked into several ways to end my life and I don't feel that there is any point in living life without her. I wanted this girl to be my wife so badly, I mean my family loves her and her family likes me and we're best friends and lustful lovers at the same time.. This meant more to me than anything on this fucking planet and now I've lost her..

the overdoses apparently have a really low chance of fatality. I need help and after losing her I honestly have nobody else to turn to, I don't live with my parents and my closest friends can't understand or help me in anyway. She was the only person I had on this planet.

-Spencer

 

[Sadeyes]

Hi Spencer...welcome..many years ago (I am as old as dirt), I felt exactly as you wrote...broke up with who I felt was my other half...huge misunderstanding which turned to war, and the casualty was that we were no longer together...I held on to those who provided comfort and talked about how I felt, until I thought I could breathe again...hope you share with us and know there are many of us who do understand this pain

 

[SpencerKng]

Hey thanks for support, love is terrible, I've had loved ones die before and I can tell you this is the same feeling if not worse, knowing the person is still alive and choosing not to talk to you, not being at peace with them. I can't think of anything else and I just end up crying all day.

 

[total eclipse]

Hi hun you do what it is necessary to make you strong again ok There will be others hun you just cannot see that right now hugs

 

[Clys]

Sweetie I know exactly what your going through as am going through something very similar.
I am 16 and female
There is this guy who I grew up with we talked everyday in the end of my garden from the ages of 5 we were inseparable. When I was 10 I decided he was prince charming but of course it wasn't till he hit 14 he realised I was a girl we started dating everything was perfect since we had known eachother through everything he had been there for me through every crap life had thrown at me 2which is a lot and I was there for him in the same way .3 month later he decided to break up with me because he was stressed but there was still a strong chance of getting back together but I freaked out because I was scared of loosing him due to past experiences and decided to go to a party my guy had asked me not to go to because this other guy who he hates was there and was always trying to steal me apparently. Out of anger to my guy I textwd him what I was doing and went to flirt with other guy . Unfortunately my guy turned.up to tak me away on the way home we had a massive argument and in the end I told him to jump infront of a car which he did and thankfully the car missed him after that we argued over the phone because I kept trying to apologise and in the end he told me he didn't want to speak to me ever again he blocked me off Facebook and won't answer my calls and texts and I.hate .my .self for screwing up and I miss him so much I cry everyday and have stopped talking to people . Recently a lot of people I care about have been hospitalized some for attempted suicide other because of fatal illnesses and I feel so alone because he was the obe who was there during those things and now I have lost him and I really want to give up life. But everytime I think about it i can't because there is that small glimmer of hope that he will eventually forgive me . You have to live fir that hope live for your girl . If u need to talk I am here whenever