Today was difficult, as are most days. I tried to work as best I could but was submerged by really bad intrusive, negative thoughts which triggered an immense mental pain. The only way I manage to describe it is that it feels like an emotional storm that radiates from my brain throughout my body. It feels like my blood is radioactive. This leads inevitably to dangerous suicidal thoughts. Now, I have built a 'security plan' with my therapist a few years back, which I opened to look for strategies (these are tailored for me personally, of course). It helped a bit and pushed me to call somebody. Fortunately, I have a few people I can call to talk about literally anything, just to let the crisis pass. It worked. It's very difficult to pick up the phone, but it did work. To me that's a small victory in a long war, which gives me a little bit of hope for future battle.
