Hi! I signed a few years ago into this forum to express myself openly, but eventhough iI have continue contact wtih a friend here till now, I havent really post anything about how I´m doing nowadays. But @may71 has encouraged me to post about how´s been my road to healing since I last posted here. You can read my story on the link in my signature. When I first posted here I was struggling with what I know now was depression, I was in my third year out of seven in med school, I couldn´t concentrate when I was studying even if I tried as many study tips form pomodoro to timetables, to watching studytubers and paying an ORL doctor in Spain who teaches study strategies for medical student; and was continually having suicide thougths because I thought I was being failure, a dissapoinment to my parents, and even-though I considered reaching for psychoterapy I was ashamed to go the psychiatrist because as a med student I thought he/she would think I was just stupid and lazy for a medical student. Somehow I managed to finish my school based course, even if I almost failed my last exam. (In Mexico, you have to do 4/5 years of school based medical program where you get theorical classes and practical classes in hospitals, and then you have to do one year of internship at a hospital that is kind of a total practical year where you have to be around 76 hours a week at the hospital, every third day having 32 hours shifts (meaning you get to the hospital one day at 8 am and leave the next day at 4 pm), and you get little to no sleep during those shifts and on top of that you have to keep studying, also there´s a lot of bullying going on from doctors of higher rank, so its considered the most difficut year in mexican med school course; after the internship you have to do one year of social service where most get to act as general practitioners at rural clinics or family doctors offices, for some is a better year than the internship for others is more difficult because they have to do a loooot of paper work.) So after finishing my school based studying, I was afraid to start my internship because I knew it would be difficult, my first shift (ward) my attendance doctor told me I was a failure, I couldn’t remember the most basic things and almost cried in public, so it was a rough star to a tough year, and on top of that I had my first romance and my first heartbreak, and I couldn´t take it anymore, I thought about leaving med school, sometimes about leaving the world too, but I was so stressed by the work i had to do that mostly I just wanted to quit being in hospital, and that, was my breaking point, I told my parents and while I was crying they finally understood that I nedeed professional help and this time I was ready to accept it. My father got me an appoinment with a pychiatrist that had treated him years before, and he gave me some medicines that help me get to finish my internship. The doctor officially diagnosed me with depression, anxiety and atention deficit disorder, and then I understood I was not lazy, I was sick, and all I needed was professional help. Also I learned that my disorders came from my genetic pool (hereditary component), my already diagnosed hypothyrodism, my personality and my environment, I had all the ingredients to have a mental disorder. With the help of the doctor I´ve been feeling better since then, I´m now on my social service year and I´m liking it a lot, I may not be the best doctor but I know that I´m not as bad as I thought I was, and I´ve learned a lot more of medicine than the exams in school made me believe. I still struggle with crisis of anxiety and suicide thoughts ocassionally, but now I know I´m not alone, and that I will be the healthier I can be soon, I hope, and be ok with less medicines that I´m on now. I write this in order to encourage you to seek help, you´re not alone, problems seems bigger when your state of mind is not clear, and I know the path ain't easy, but I really believe that medicine and psycotherapy can help you to get to feel better and have hope in the future and enjoy the present.
Note: Please excuse any grammar mistakes, English is not my first language, feel free to point them out.
Note: Please excuse any grammar mistakes, English is not my first language, feel free to point them out.
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