Question about being assertive.

[DownerDude]

Hey,

I work in a electrical panel assembly plant and one of my coworkers likes to tease people a lot including me. I sometimes get purposefully left out of conversations with the rest of my coworkers. Last year he hosted an annual party at his house and invited a whole bunch of people from the plant with a list of their names. I declined because I was already going to my friend's birthday party that same day. Fast forward to a few days ago and I said I might go and the rest of my coworkers including him said "so that means no" and continued to tease me. Normally I don't mind teasing and I usually laugh along but I've always hated when I'm ganged up on by multiple people. This bothered me so I told them that it's emotional harassment and if they could simmer down on the teasing. Now they don't even talk to me at all and sort of give me the silent treatment. I don't mind as they're not very nice people to begin with. However, for future relationships, I was wondering if I dealt with it correctly. I've looked online about being assertive and how sometimes it may be perceived as aggressive provided that there is a self-righteous tone in it. I guess I'm just looking for an outside perspective. Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned it being emotional harassment. I'm not sure.

Thanks

 

[sinking_ship]

Yeah I think calling it emotional harassment was too far, and was probably off-putting.

It's definitely a weird gray area to navigate, trying to be a good sport but not letting people cross a line into just being mean. People who tease within friendships sometimes have a hard time reading when it's too much for someone. Or sometimes they're just assholes and don't care.

In my experience sometimes the best thing is to not say anything, but to raise an eyebrow at the person doing the teasing, like you're trying to get across 'really? really, we, grown adults, are having this conversation?'

 

[DownerDude]

Unfortunately, the people I work with have a hard time reading facial expressions. I think what really upset me is when they purposefully left me out of conversations i.e. walking away when I joined and then teasing me about things that I don't find funny. I kinda thought there was something wrong with me for a while; sometimes even as far as thinking of suicide.

Maybe you're right about mentioning emotional harassment being too far but I'm not sure how else to convince them that their behaviour is hurtful since emotional talk with them is pretty awkward. Maybe I should just ignore them entirely and not even bother talking to them at all because clearly they want nothing to do with me.

 

[JDot]

I get the feeling that this one guy is the ringleader. He's a jerk and everyone follows him to fit in. But you're not falling for it. I wouldn't deal with him anymore than I have to.

 

[may71]

Hey DownerDude,

I don't think you necessarily did things wrong. Speaking up the way you did prevented them from doing something that was bothering you, so the outcome isn't necessarily so bad.

Maybe another approach, if you have other problems in the future, would be to talk to a manager about it. They might be able to give you some feedback about what to do.

I hope things can get better soon

 

[Lady Wolfshead]

I don't think you did anything wrong but these workplace issues can be so hard to deal with. There is nothing wrong with you. Sometimes the group dynamic is just so off.

You could try talking to a counsellor and ask how to deal with such things if they arise in the future. I wouldn't ignore them entirely but just try to deal with them on an individual basis.

 

[DownerDude]

Thank you for the replies. It seems to me that some people feel entitled to treating others like shit and get angry when you stand up for yourself as if you're imposing on their rights.

I get the feeling that this one guy is the ringleader. He's a jerk and everyone follows him to fit in. But you're not falling for it. I wouldn't deal with him anymore than I have to.

I think you nailed it on the head. That's exactly what he is.

Hey DownerDude,

I don't think you necessarily did things wrong. Speaking up the way you did prevented them from doing something that was bothering you, so the outcome isn't necessarily so bad.

Maybe another approach, if you have other problems in the future, would be to talk to a manager about it. They might be able to give you some feedback about what to do.

I hope things can get better soon

I don't think you did anything wrong but these workplace issues can be so hard to deal with. There is nothing wrong with you. Sometimes the group dynamic is just so off.

You could try talking to a counsellor and ask how to deal with such things if they arise in the future. I wouldn't ignore them entirely but just try to deal with them on an individual basis.

I'm glad to know I didn't do anything wrong. Things have been better between us as he may have felt guilty after a couple weeks.

Thanks for the support. I appreciate it.