I'm new here. I've already had multiple attempts in the past, and I currently feel like I'm just living because I know the impact it would have on my girlfriend and boyfriend, my family, and my animals. my partners are the only ones who show me that they care about me. I'm disabled and recently got on disability but am treated like a house servant. Due to the ssdi application process taking so long I had to move back in with my mom, and I am closing in on 40. also because of the move, I don't have any friends in this area. I have multiple mental health issues that medication hardly seems to help. I've even resorted to ect, but I'm still depressed. I can't talk to anyone around me about this because they've shown that they'll just put me back in a psych ward. I think about suicide everyday, and I have for the past 20+ years. I make little songs about wanting to kill myself, but I have to be mindful of my girlfriend's feelings because it upsets her to remember that I don't want to live. I don't want to hurt them, but I am tired of being in so much pain, both emotional and physical, and being overwhelmed by my senses. All the ways in which I managed the emotional pain -- eating disorder, alcohol, drugs -- have been restricted because someone in my life disapproves. I have nothing and am so very tired of resisting the ever constant thought that is telling me to just kill myself.
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s.i. thoughts
- Thread starter Beos
- Start date
Hello @Beos
My thoughts are with you during these difficult episodes. I hope that you find SF as a supportive and safe environment to express yourself without fear of judgement or belittling.
You matter and your emotions are valid for what you’ve described. Your concerns over the impact your demise would have on those who love you is keeping you here, and that is a form of hope that life’s circumstances will yield good and brighter days.
What are your hobbies or activities that bring you smiles? May be you can set small attainable goals to partake in those briefly sporadically during your day especially during the times that your mind race with thoughts of SI.
Sometimes being the strength and encourager to someone else can uplift our own spirits during dark episodes.
For me, I often research dream interpretations, health remedies for pain or excessive undesired thoughts, etc. so that in moments of despair my brain becomes intrigued with hopes of the possibility of getting better, even if short-lived.
It is my wish that you get to feeling better sooner rather than later; that you find the support that you desire; that your emotional and physical pain subsides and you make happier memories to reflect on.
My thoughts are with you during these difficult episodes. I hope that you find SF as a supportive and safe environment to express yourself without fear of judgement or belittling.
You matter and your emotions are valid for what you’ve described. Your concerns over the impact your demise would have on those who love you is keeping you here, and that is a form of hope that life’s circumstances will yield good and brighter days.
What are your hobbies or activities that bring you smiles? May be you can set small attainable goals to partake in those briefly sporadically during your day especially during the times that your mind race with thoughts of SI.
Sometimes being the strength and encourager to someone else can uplift our own spirits during dark episodes.
For me, I often research dream interpretations, health remedies for pain or excessive undesired thoughts, etc. so that in moments of despair my brain becomes intrigued with hopes of the possibility of getting better, even if short-lived.
It is my wish that you get to feeling better sooner rather than later; that you find the support that you desire; that your emotional and physical pain subsides and you make happier memories to reflect on.
I don't understand how my taking into account other's feelings is a form of hope. my best friend committed suicide without any forewarning so I am just all too familiar with how it feels.
I've tried doing hobbies and activities. I don't really feel things unfortunately. like I tried volunteering but it just left me overstimulated from all the interactions.
I've tried doing hobbies and activities. I don't really feel things unfortunately. like I tried volunteering but it just left me overstimulated from all the interactions.
