Spiraling further

[IDontWantToDie]

I cant find a job and it makes me want to die. I feel like SUCH a failure. I cant keep a job, always someone is bullying me, or i try to kill myself, or i get a nervous brakedown, or this one time I was sure this man wants to murder me at work so I got psychosis and just ghosted my workplace.... i still think he was a serial killer or smtn but its not the point. I hate every place i have worked at, the only two places i liked I got pushed out of like the weakling I am... i will never fit in, i just cant stand up for myself and so I will eventually end my life becasue of it. Im so jealous of people who tolarate their jobs, or who fit in there or worst - love their jobs. Im jealous of people who can keep a job, who can just go there and come home and live. You are so freaking lucky if you can keep a job, you are so lucky if you can take it because i fucking cant, I will probably again end up in some shitty convienient store or a soulless factory and become suicidal and quit and then look again... and this fucking never ending cycle of jobs is destroying me. I feel worthless... Everything scares me, i have lost all confidence, i feel like I couldnt even wash dishes somewhere becasue I am so fucking stupid... I just apply no one calls back, never in my life i have sent so many job aplications and no one fucking calls. I dont know what to do.

 

[Lady Wolfshead]

I really feel this and I'm so sorry you are in this predicament. The alternative is applying for disability but that can be so difficult to obtain and to actually live on. And if you don't have tangible family support this makes it worse.

I think I have "limped through" my working life, calling in sick a lot due to mental and physical health issues. I did manage to work for many years and am currently about to re-train for what I hope will be a less stressful job (at least it's one where I can work from home and set my own hours). I wanted to do this years ago but didn't have the funds for tuition and survival while going to school. A friend of mine is trying to get funding from unemployment to do the same educational program - her unemployment benefits ran out but if she gets approved she will be covered while going to school.

Some countries like France have subsidized part-time jobs for people with disabilities and I wish this were the norm. Everywhere else seems to have a bleak choice: Work full time your entire life, or go on disability and don't get enough to even pay market rent.

Obviously the best situation is to come from a financially secure, supportive family where the kids are taken care of until they get enough education and/or experience to get into decent careers or jobs. This is what I see with my nephew and nieces - their parents will make sure they become physiotherapists or chemists or landscape architechts or other in-demand careers where they can either run their own business or can choose a good job with a company, or even are paid well enough to work part-time.

And if they fail at one thing, their parents make sure they get another good situation. Or one of my husband's nieces (who can't work due to medical issues) was supported by family until she got onto government disability and through a multi-year wait list to get into good subsidized housing.

Sadly, many of us just stumble through life with crappy jobs eating away at our physical and mental health. I wish I knew a solution. I hope you find something @IDontWantToDie There may be job-finding services to help you depending on where you live. You can try calling your local crisis line and they should be able to refer you for career counselling or give you names of organizations that may help. Try mental health agencies, temp agencies, employment centres, and charities like YMCA. There are decent jobs out there but without specific skills it can be hard to find. Just sending out endless applications may not be the solution.

 

[Lady Wolfshead]

Also, one thing that did help me was not to stop job-hunting once I got something, especially if the job I got was bad. It's easier to find a job when you already have one. So eventually after a few years of crappy jobs I got into one that at least paid well, had benefits and was half-decent. It did eventually turn into a sweatshop many years later but that's a whole other story. It allowed me to pay off debt and save up.

 

[Pi_XY]

Your story has moved me as I also struggle to find myself in a new working environment, and to find one at all. I prefer working alone, unless I work among people I am accustomed with over long time. Can you think of anything you could do alone for living? At home, outdoors?

And when I come across all those "inclusive" policies while looking at job postings they make me laughing to be honest. I try to imagine how could I enforce inclusivity against my hypersensitivity? Does anyone want such a person at work?

 

[IDontWantToDie]

I really feel this and I'm so sorry you are in this predicament. The alternative is applying for disability but that can be so difficult to obtain and to actually live on. And if you don't have tangible family support this makes it worse.

I think I have "limped through" my working life, calling in sick a lot due to mental and physical health issues. I did manage to work for many years and am currently about to re-train for what I hope will be a less stressful job (at least it's one where I can work from home and set my own hours). I wanted to do this years ago but didn't have the funds for tuition and survival while going to school. A friend of mine is trying to get funding from unemployment to do the same educational program - her unemployment benefits ran out but if she gets approved she will be covered while going to school.

Some countries like France have subsidized part-time jobs for people with disabilities and I wish this were the norm. Everywhere else seems to have a bleak choice: Work full time your entire life, or go on disability and don't get enough to even pay market rent.

Obviously the best situation is to come from a financially secure, supportive family where the kids are taken care of until they get enough education and/or experience to get into decent careers or jobs. This is what I see with my nephew and nieces - their parents will make sure they become physiotherapists or chemists or landscape architechts or other in-demand careers where they can either run their own business or can choose a good job with a company, or even are paid well enough to work part-time.

And if they fail at one thing, their parents make sure they get another good situation. Or one of my husband's nieces (who can't work due to medical issues) was supported by family until she got onto government disability and through a multi-year wait list to get into good subsidized housing.

Sadly, many of us just stumble through life with crappy jobs eating away at our physical and mental health. I wish I knew a solution. I hope you find something @IDontWantToDie There may be job-finding services to help you depending on where you live. You can try calling your local crisis line and they should be able to refer you for career counselling or give you names of organizations that may help. Try mental health agencies, temp agencies, employment centres, and charities like YMCA. There are decent jobs out there but without specific skills it can be hard to find. Just sending out endless applications may not be the solution.

Cool you found something you can do from home, that really is the ideal thing for people who strugle with this mental thing.
Calling a crisis line might be a good iedea!
Thanks for helping, hug

 

[IDontWantToDie]

Your story has moved me as I also struggle to find myself in a new working environment, and to find one at all. I prefer working alone, unless I work among people I am accustomed with over long time. Can you think of anything you could do alone for living? At home, outdoors?

And when I come across all those "inclusive" policies while looking at job postings they make me laughing to be honest. I try to imagine how could I enforce inclusivity against my hypersensitivity? Does anyone want such a person at work?

I know what you mean, working alone is awesome! Too bad everyone wants team work and to be a happy familly. I think where im at, the employers have watched too many tv shows, and want copy the fantasy they have seen. Ussualy the requierments here are: optimistic, agood sense of humor, super energetic, supreme skills of service... like wtf, man.
I haven't yet looked for a job I could do from home. I feel incoompetent, but maybe i could give it a try.
Thanks! Hug

 

[Pi_XY]

I know what you mean, working alone is awesome! Too bad everyone wants team work and to be a happy familly. I think where im at, the employers have watched too many tv shows, and want copy the fantasy they have seen. Ussualy the requierments here are: optimistic, agood sense of humor, super energetic, supreme skills of service... like wtf, man.
I haven't yet looked for a job I could do from home. I feel incoompetent, but maybe i could give it a try.
Thanks! Hug

Maybe some craft, art, something like that. Think of talents or skills you have, look carefully. Or think of which talent/skill could you develop further that you would want to do in the near future, if you could afford investing in it, maybe combined with some allowance in the meantime?

 

[IDontWantToDie]

Maybe some craft, art, something like that. Think of talents or skills you have, look carefully. Or think of which talent/skill could you develop further that you would want to do in the near future, if you could afford investing in it, maybe combined with some allowance in the meantime?

Yes, I try to look for places like that but none of them are hiring. I think the interesting employers ussualy hire from the inside, like, there is always a guy who knows a guy who they could hire, so they never post. I can only hope that will chage one day, and keep refreshing the advertisment page every hour

 

[Pi_XY]

Yes, I try to look for places like that but none of them are hiring. I think the interesting employers ussualy hire from the inside, like, there is always a guy who knows a guy who they could hire, so they never post. I can only hope that will chage one day, and keep refreshing the advertisment page every hour

I'd consider self-employment too. It doesn't have to be anything big, but it is to give you comfortable working conditions, which I presume would be the priority.