Empathy Only The hallucinations are getting worse again

[cinnnamonflakez]

I can't look into the mirror anymore. I don't know what it is that I'm seeing but it isn't me. It's a garbled mess of patterns, outlines and colors that barely has my silhouette.



Like an hour or two ago I had a crisis (arguably the worst one since the last two years, I'm surprised that I'm not in the ER right now) and I walked up to the mirror (that usually helps me calm down a bit) and started crying.



After a moment, my reflection just contorted into this thing. It grinned at me. And I was fucking mortified.

I have hallucinations all the time and I've more or less gotten used to most things, but that. That was the most primal, pure terror I've ever felt.



I covered up both my mirrors with a cloth.

Idk if I can sleep tonight.

I just can't live like this. I've already been through so much and still, I'm constantly going through shit I couldn't wish on the worst person on this planet.


My childhood was nothing but trauma.
My teens are whatever you want to call this state of unending misery.
I don't wanna know what my adult "life" is gonna be.
Just fucking kill me. I hate this. All of this.

 

[Lara_C]

Hi @cinnnamonflakez. My heart goes out to you feeling so scared and alone in the darkness. Please try to keep looking for a glimmer of light , a tiny speck, and hold onto that. Remember it in the midst of the frightening perceptions and thoughts. You are not alone. We see you. Please keep posting.

 

[cinnnamonflakez]

Hi @cinnnamonflakez. My heart goes out to you feeling so scared and alone in the darkness. Please try to keep looking for a glimmer of light , a tiny speck, and hold onto that. Remember it in the midst of the frightening perceptions and thoughts. You are not alone. We see you. Please keep posting.

Thank you. I don't know what else to say. Just, thank you.

 

[may71]

I'm sorry things are so bad, it sounds terrifying.

Sending hugs if you would like hugs

 

[1964dodge]

I can't look into the mirror anymore. I don't know what it is that I'm seeing but it isn't me. It's a garbled mess of patterns, outlines and colors that barely has my silhouette.



Like an hour or two ago I had a crisis (arguably the worst one since the last two years, I'm surprised that I'm not in the ER right now) and I walked up to the mirror (that usually helps me calm down a bit) and started crying.



After a moment, my reflection just contorted into this thing. It grinned at me. And I was fucking mortified.

I have hallucinations all the time and I've more or less gotten used to most things, but that. That was the most primal, pure terror I've ever felt.



I covered up both my mirrors with a cloth.

Idk if I can sleep tonight.

I just can't live like this. I've already been through so much and still, I'm constantly going through shit I couldn't wish on the worst person on this planet.


My childhood was nothing but trauma.
My teens are whatever you want to call this state of unending misery.
I don't wanna know what my adult "life" is gonna be.
Just fucking kill me. I hate this. All of this.