What wrong with me?

[Mimino]

I had suicidal feelings tonight, but now i want to toture myself. I fantasized about getting abused. Why the hell am i thinking this. The counselors are no help. Whats even worse is that i went to ss. I just want to be a normal person, but every night.

 

[may71]

I'm sorry that you're feeling this way.

I fantasized about getting abused. Why the hell am i thinking this.

What goes on in one's mind doesn't always make sense. There's a reason why it happened, you just don't know the reason yet. In time, you may be able to figure this out.

The most important thing for now, imho, is to be gentle with yourself and not feel any guilty or shame about thoughts in your mind that you don't understand.

i went to ss

I don't know what ss is.