What's the point

[Neverhappyautistic]

I don't see a point in living any longer.

I was born with a rare condition called nf1. 80 percent of people with the condition have asd and ADHD.

I have struggled all my life socially and never seem to connect with people. This leaves me feeling very lonely and like I'm an outcast. I ruminate daily wishing I was like other people who can socialize and have friends etc.

6 months ago I lost my relationship as my then partner of three years was cheating on me. It was the fourth time of this happening and I've lost everything because of her actions. I lost my family my home and everything else. I am now living in a hostel which means I share a dorm with three other people.

I can't get any space or time to myself. Over the past few months my suicidal ideation has got stronger and stronger to the point where I think about it on a daily basis. I am prescribed anti depressants but they don't seem to be working.

 

[iloverachel]

Hello my friend I am sorry you are going through so much and suffering
I am an outcast too, it sucks.

I would love to be your friend

 

[may71]

I'm sorry that you've been struggling so much for so long.

I am prescribed anti depressants but they don't seem to be working.

I'm sorry that they aren't working. How long have you been taking them? I can try to offer some suggestions about treatment if you are interested.

 

[Paul1963]

I don't see a point in living any longer.

I was born with a rare condition called nf1. 80 percent of people with the condition have asd and ADHD.

I have struggled all my life socially and never seem to connect with people. This leaves me feeling very lonely and like I'm an outcast. I ruminate daily wishing I was like other people who can socialize and have friends etc.

6 months ago I lost my relationship as my then partner of three years was cheating on me. It was the fourth time of this happening and I've lost everything because of her actions. I lost my family my home and everything else. I am now living in a hostel which means I share a dorm with three other people.

I can't get any space or time to myself. Over the past few months my suicidal ideation has got stronger and stronger to the point where I think about it on a daily basis. I am prescribed anti depressants but they don't seem to be working.

So sorry you are going through this. I'm homeless too. It's awful. Sometimes the antidepressants can take a few weeks to work. If not, the Doctor will try a different drug for you. And therapy if you want it. Are you on a housing waiting list ? I hope you find somewhere soon, and some meds that work for you.

 

[ib4uib]

I don't see a point in living any longer.

I was born with a rare condition called nf1. 80 percent of people with the condition have asd and ADHD.

I have struggled all my life socially and never seem to connect with people. This leaves me feeling very lonely and like I'm an outcast. Everybody is an outcast, but a lot of people just don't know that yet!
I ruminate daily wishing I was like other people who can socialize and have friends etc. It's easy to compare ourselves to others, what you see out in the open, is not necessarily the same as what you'd see behind closed doors, don't be fooled by the illusion!

6 months ago I lost my relationship as my then partner of three years was cheating on me. It was the fourth time of this happening and I've lost everything because of her actions. I lost my family my home and everything else. I am now living in a hostel which means I share a dorm with three other people. The wrong people are attracting themselves to you, probably because you are a good guy with morals would be my guess, they are the ones that will either end up alone, or in an abusive relationship. Thank your lucky stars they're gone. When you're not looking for a relationship you'll find the right person comes along. It's how it works!

I can't get any space or time to myself. Over the past few months my suicidal ideation has got stronger and stronger to the point where I think about it on a daily basis. I am prescribed anti depressants but they don't seem to be working. Space is important, it will be hard to find space sharing a room with 3 other people, taking yourself out of that space is an option, try the library/park/gym/cooking class/ walk etc, if you manage to find your own space somewhere, you wont care if the anti depressants work or not as you'll feel more in control of your own mind!

 

[Dante]

I looked into NF1 and that's not a great thing to be diagnosed with for sure. However, as a fellow member on the asd spectrum, I cant say I hate THAT as much. Sure its taken me 20 years and some serious psychological harm to build some decent social skills, but I have never been one to dwell on the past.

What I really wanted to say is that the big secret of life is that there IS no point, and at the same time there is EVERY point. Take writing for example. writing is just an arrangement of scribbles which means absolutely nothing except that we ascribe a common meaning to them. Life is like that. Its only point and meaning is what we give it, but there is SO much point and SO much meaning we can give our lives. SO much we can do with it, as long as we decide that what we did mattered.

Whether it hard or easy, whether your meaning is to be successful or a good friend, to defeat your hardships or to have an easy life, the point of your life is what you decide.

 

[Windhover]

hello @Neverhappyautistic
I am sorry for what happened to your relationship. It's traumatic and disheartening to be betrayed. It is also a tendency for us hunans to ruminate on the worst events & emotions.
Maybe it is possible for you to move on from the hostel. That sounds like the most challenging environment for almost anyone who's asd. If the environment is over the top then all your mind can do is try to protect itself, leaving no energy for you.

I hope you're going to talk some more here.

Take care.