wish I was dead

[jodes]

Fuck society. My reddit account was just suspended for threatening violence when I did no such thing. I only made a post about feeling suicidal.

I'm so fucking sick of being trapped on this planet. Fuck society for trapping me here to suffer. Fuck life!!!!!!!!!

I should fucking kill myself. <mod edit-methods>
FUCK LIFE!!!

What a miserable fucking existence!!!!! I hate being here!!!!!!!!!!

So. Sick. Of. Living. It's fucking torture!!!!

I have fuck all in life. No job, nothing to enjoy. Every minute of every day is just more suffering. No friends. No-one to talk to. No-one to help me. All I want to do is die. Why the fuck should society stop me??? What gives them the fucking right to interfere and stop me???????? Fucking bastards!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUCK LIFE! I'm fucking trapped. Decades and decades and decades of suffering. Its fucking unfair as fuck.

Why the fuck couldn't I have been gifted a regular life. Why the fuck did I have to be born in the first place??? My conscious ripped brutally out of the void just to experience nearly a fucking century of misery. What a fucking joke. Fuck my parents for having me. Fucking irresponsible. They didn't give the first fucking thought about what they'd do if their child suffered long term but they fucking went ahead and conceived anyway.

I DONT WANT TO BE HERE! I DONT WANT TO EXIST! FUCK LIFE I HATE IT! PLEASE SOMEONE SOMETHING JUST FUCKING KILL ME!!!!

I fucking wish I could just die in my sleep. Good fucking luck mate. I wake up day after day suffering the same shit every fucking day, year after year.

 

[Walker]

Hi, it sounds like you're having a huge amount of feelings about things right now. I hope by the time you return and read this you've chilled out some. It sounds like you're extra mad about the reddit account. Fortunately they're pretty disposable so you can create a new one. I'm sorry you're so angry about things, man. Did something happen, other than reddit, that has made things seem so overwhelming recently?

(This post was removed but has since been edited and put back up. Check out the rules at this link if you need a refresher on them about methods of suicide. Thanks)

 

[iloverachel]

Hello my friend
I am sorry you are in so much pain and suffering.
Decades is a very long time to live in a miserable state where you want to die.
I wish there was a way I could help you

 

[AvidFan]

Sorry to hear you are struggling so much. I hope it helps to vent "out loud" here and get your feelings out of your head. Sorry to hear about the reddit account, the same has happened to me, well similar, and it's not great but as someone else said, you can make another one. It sounds like you've been suffering a long time. I'm sorry. I hope you have a better day when you read this.

 

[jodes]

Hey, thanks for replying.

I dunno what else has been bothering me really. I guess I'm really frustrated with my ability to do programming, I just have such trouble improving and learning new skills. I've been doing it for years but still not really at a professional level.

Also not been getting on well with my gf. She's always criticising me, hardly giving me any positive attention and we've been having quite a few arguments.

Also my dad's been really ill and I haven't been able to talk to him much at all. I don't have any friends so don't really feel like I have anyone I can talk to. Reddit is bot going well, Facebook is full of normals who don't associate with suicidal people, and I don't know where else to turn to.

So I guess it's all the above really. Every day I wish I didn't exist. I phoned the samaritans help line which helped a bit but each time I phone them I kind of have to explain things from scratch each time, it would be nice to have support where I could continue where I left off, you know? Build a rapport with someone, a meaningful dialogue that goes somewhere.

I saw my psychiatrist again, and as usual per the last 23 years the answer is always a tweak to medication and they send me off, never really even asking about other factors in my life that might be the root of the problem. Antidepressants haven't helped me in the 23 years I've been taking over a dozen.

 

[jodes]

Sorry to hear you are struggling so much. I hope it helps to vent "out loud" here and get your feelings out of your head. Sorry to hear about the reddit account, the same has happened to me, well similar, and it's not great but as someone else said, you can make another one. It sounds like you've been suffering a long time. I'm sorry. I hope you have a better day when you read this.

Thank you!

 

[jodes]

Hello my friend
I am sorry you are in so much pain and suffering.
Decades is a very long time to live in a miserable state where you want to die.
I wish there was a way I could help you

Thank you!

 

[iloverachel]

Hey, thanks for replying.

I dunno what else has been bothering me really. I guess I'm really frustrated with my ability to do programming, I just have such trouble improving and learning new skills. I've been doing it for years but still not really at a professional level.

Also not been getting on well with my gf. She's always criticising me, hardly giving me any positive attention and we've been having quite a few arguments.

Also my dad's been really ill and I haven't been able to talk to him much at all. I don't have any friends so don't really feel like I have anyone I can talk to. Reddit is bot going well, Facebook is full of normals who don't associate with suicidal people, and I don't know where else to turn to.

So I guess it's all the above really. Every day I wish I didn't exist. I phoned the samaritans help line which helped a bit but each time I phone them I kind of have to explain things from scratch each time, it would be nice to have support where I could continue where I left off, you know? Build a rapport with someone, a meaningful dialogue that goes somewhere.

I saw my psychiatrist again, and as usual per the last 23 years the answer is always a tweak to medication and they send me off, never really even asking about other factors in my life that might be the root of the problem. Antidepressants haven't helped me in the 23 years I've been taking over a dozen.

I am sorry to hear you are going through so many things.
I hope your dad gets better soon

Loneliness and lack of friends is the worst. I know how it feels to be in so much pain, screaming out for help but no one is there to save you. Its horrible really

I hope you can at least find some friends on this forum to make you feel less alone.
You are always free to message me any time!

Good luck with your psychiatrist, therapists, medication etc.

I hop you find something that works

 

[iloverachel]

Also just curious, i was reading some of your other posts, there was a period of 15 years where you haven't posted on this forum from 2009-2023.
Did your mental health improve during this time, and it got bad again and you returned?
How did you feel during that period?

 

[Colinpasch]

i get the pain but don’t do it. My brother killed himself in 2014 and it ruined my life and messed up my family

 

[Jason369]

Fuck society. My reddit account was just suspended for threatening violence when I did no such thing. I only made a post about feeling suicidal.

I'm so fucking sick of being trapped on this planet. Fuck society for trapping me here to suffer. Fuck life!!!!!!!!!

I should fucking kill myself. <mod edit-methods>
FUCK LIFE!!!

What a miserable fucking existence!!!!! I hate being here!!!!!!!!!!

So. Sick. Of. Living. It's fucking torture!!!!

I have fuck all in life. No job, nothing to enjoy. Every minute of every day is just more suffering. No friends. No-one to talk to. No-one to help me. All I want to do is die. Why the fuck should society stop me??? What gives them the fucking right to interfere and stop me???????? Fucking bastards!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUCK LIFE! I'm fucking trapped. Decades and decades and decades of suffering. Its fucking unfair as fuck.

Why the fuck couldn't I have been gifted a regular life. Why the fuck did I have to be born in the first place??? My conscious ripped brutally out of the void just to experience nearly a fucking century of misery. What a fucking joke. Fuck my parents for having me. Fucking irresponsible. They didn't give the first fucking thought about what they'd do if their child suffered long term but they fucking went ahead and conceived anyway.

I DONT WANT TO BE HERE! I DONT WANT TO EXIST! FUCK LIFE I HATE IT! PLEASE SOMEONE SOMETHING JUST FUCKING KILL ME!!!!

I fucking wish I could just die in my sleep. Good fucking luck mate. I wake up day after day suffering the same shit every fucking day, year after year.

Jodes ?
Are you jodes2 from <mod edit - guidelines>?
What happened to you ?
I thought you caught the bus, or was it a ban ?
I've missed your posts.
Wondered what happened to you.

 

[iloverachel]

i get the pain but don’t do it. My brother killed himself in 2014 and it ruined my life and messed up my family

I am so sorry to hear that has happened my friend. May he rest in peace

 

[Walker]

You said you've been seeing a psychiatrist for a very long time. Typically they really do only treat the medication side of things without much focus on 'how you're doing' which seems a bit strange but is pretty normal these days. People would usually go to a therapist to actually talk things out, do you go to any type of therapy? I'm sure you have in the past, how was that?

 

[Lady Wolfshead]

Just want to send hugs. I feel pretty rough today myself, having moved to a new city then blindsided when someone I met suddenly rejected me as a friend due to my disclosing that I have a mental illness.

 

[iloverachel]

Are you feeling better today my friend

 

[Colinpasch]

stay here on earth. My brother killed himself in 2014 and it ruined my life and messed up my family and made my mom sad]
M

 

[Waves]

We all just need support and not criticism or what we should or should not be doing. You are doing the best you can living in a world full of challenges. You have done well making it this far. You are not alone. We all are with you.

 

[spiderplant]

Wanting to pass away by falling asleep I had those same thoughts and still do some days.
As far as a professional level or progamming I once worked with a guy that used to copy other peoples scripts/programming and slightly tweak it. He wrote nothing from scratch so there are jobs out there may be easy for you.

 

[LumberJack]

I just want it over with, too. I have a pretty good life, lots to be thankful for. But it still hurts. So very much. How does one live with such pain?