Worth it? ¬ ¬

[DoubledStratum]

"The most horrendous way for someone to die"
Well, I think not. But 5 days is quite a stretch. And the whole medical induced comas, and "shall we turn off the life machines" I've been reading about.
I am, of course, not going to give the drug name, but it's a common "newb" means. I've enough to guarantee permanment liver damage, and I higly doubt I'll use 'em. I'm weak like that. One minute I KNOW I can do it, the next I'm too tired to get out my chair, grind them up and sit back down again. That's lethargy for you. :laugh:

Anyway...I've got to the point where 5 days seems simple. 5 days of numb-to aching pain. Lying in a bed, being pumped full of drugs to make you stop hurting. At least, I assume.

Why can't I do it? I can't be the only person here who feels like this. Most who have done what I want to won't be here, obviously. But God, this is worse than when I was *able* to die if I wanted to. :cry:

It's midnight. And I'll sleep and then go to work tomorrow feeling like the floor does. Downtrodden, flat and unnoticed. :insomnia:

 

[DoubledStratum]

49 views. Hmmph. Metaphor for my social life all round. :laugh:

Yes, I still feel like this. I have felt like this for some time. Hence the posting. I know when something is a one-off. -_-
My counsellor will phone tomorrow, I think. If not, I'll have to last another week.

 

[Sycotic_Sarah]

Hey.
Im so sorry i did not reply, ive not exactly been on the forum so much recently.
Others probably donot know what to say, but then again, they could be going through alot aswell.

Im very sorry about your illness, but nothing is worth taking your life, im quite sure i dont want anyone to die, whether i know them or not, im definetly sure infact.
If your counsillor calls, i really hope you tell him/her about how your feeling, ect, they may be able to help, im not so good at advice, as you can see , but if you do try and kill yourself, and end up in a coma, in some cases, they do pull the plug, in others, they dont since you may have a chance of recovering.

Most people, well in some cases, killing themselfs is very scary, but at the same time, exciting, as they are finally ridding the pain and there life, the fear normally takes over, as some start imagining what will happen after the attempt, if you fail, or if you succeed. Im not quite sure whether you wanting to die is exciting, but from experience, its bloody scary, but at the same time, a sensation of desire.

I really hope you do hold on, and keep fighting, if its one thing the world needs, its people like you and all of suicideforum, fighting depression, taking the pain, expressing there true feelings and life stories, the world needs more people who are strong and couragious, such as yourself, since you are still holding on, just like so many others are, including myself.

Im not very good at this, but if you ever need to speak too someone, im always available on msn, my email is [email protected], im normally on alot, i hope to speak soon, and that you will continue fighting.

With many hugs and love,
Sarah.
:hug:

 

[DoubledStratum]

Tanks. I appreciate I'm one drop in the ocean, incomparable though the individual may be, and that as I've no experience of death I can't really justify a sucidie attempt. Though I have yet to even meet my councellor in the flesh. I've been waiting 1.5 months for an appointment. Took me a long time to find help. -_-

I shall. Hopefully that shall put me on the fast track. If not my attempt will always be a statement of how I was feeling. :dry:
It's just hard. I have means and inclination. But not a time.

 

[Sycotic_Sarah]

Please do not take your own life, you are letting your feelings overpower you, do not let them win, we can fight this together if you want?
I could help you as much as i possibly can, but rightfully at the end of the day hun, the choice is yours.

I am merely stating that it would be a great loss to loose you, if you did not want help, which i see you do, you would not be posting, it is great you want help, or are trying to recieve it, i hope that help gets delivered very soon.

I really hope you continue fighting, my email address is there if you ever want to talk 1-1.

Much love,
Sarah.
:hug:'s if needed. =]