Reopening wounds. Advice needed.

[Shelly]

It’s been a while since I made a thread(is that what you call it?) here.

I’ve been feeling anxious, unable to sleep properly... feeling something is going to happen...

And now my Dad just sent me a post from online (who knows how and who gave him that) about school opening for doctors.
He asked me if I still want to study.

Wow. Just wow.
We already did this back in 2016.
I didn’t pass entrance exam for Med school, I don’t do well with written exams.
I told them I wanted to pursue something else and heard nothing from them for the next 5-6years until now.

When it’s my dream, no one wants to listen.
When it’s their dream they’re insistent... since it was just me who believed in myself and I felt it was pointless to dream this way, I gave up on my dream, I gave up on myself, I let myself go.

I am speechless to them.
Haven’t they learn from the past experience already.
Why are they reopening wounds.

 

[1964dodge]

It’s been a while since I made a thread(is that what you call it?) here.

I’ve been feeling anxious, unable to sleep properly... feeling something is going to happen...

And now my Dad just sent me a post from online (who knows how and who gave him that) about school opening for doctors.
He asked me if I still want to study.

Wow. Just wow.
We already did this back in 2016.
I didn’t pass entrance exam for Med school, I don’t do well with written exams.
I told them I wanted to pursue something else and heard nothing from them for the next 5-6years until now.

When it’s my dream, no one wants to listen.
When it’s their dream they’re insistent... since it was just me who believed in myself and I felt it was pointless to dream this way, I gave up on my dream, I gave up on myself, I let myself go.

I am speechless to them.
Haven’t they learn from the past experience already.
Why are they reopening wounds.

i'm sorry that it's upsetting you. it's possible that they are just insensitive. there is also a small possibility that they have other ideas. some med schools are easier to get into. also if you can't persue a career as a doctor maybe you could be a nurse.

you may be able to deal with the test issues as well. do not give up on yourself. keep trying to find something to make you happy. if you want talk to your family and hear what they have to say. also be ready with things that you want to do and ask them to support your dreams. i hope they listen to you.

mike...

 

[Sunspots]

When it’s my dream, no one wants to listen.
When it’s their dream they’re insistent... since it was just me who believed in myself and I felt it was pointless to dream this way, I gave up on my dream

What was your dream?

You're an adult, they can't control you if you don't let them. This is your life and you're only going to get one. Don't spend it trying to do something you don't want to do just to please your parents. You're intelligent and dedicated (and you like cats so you're cool too) and you deserve to put that to use by doing something you love.
I gave up on my dreams for someone else and I've regretted it for over 30 years.

 

[may71]

I’ve been feeling anxious, unable to sleep properly

This link has some info about treating insomnia.

https://www.suicideforum.com/community/threads/specific-info-for-insomnia.166820/#post-2106165

Why are they reopening wounds

Do you think telling them how you feel about this would help?

 

[Shelly]

I did, we did. It kept happening over and over, only to repeat it itself once again. It’s exhausting reliving a nightmare.
Just as when I start picking myself and climbing up the edge that I was hanging on to - they push me again.

 

[1964dodge]

I did, we did. It kept happening over and over, only to repeat it itself once again. It’s exhausting reliving a nightmare.
Just as when I start picking myself and climbing up the edge that I was hanging on to - they push me again.

 

[Shelly]

i'm sorry that it's upsetting you. it's possible that they are just insensitive. there is also a small possibility that they have other ideas. some med schools are easier to get into. also if you can't persue a career as a doctor maybe you could be a nurse.

you may be able to deal with the test issues as well. do not give up on yourself. keep trying to find something to make you happy. if you want talk to your family and hear what they have to say. also be ready with things that you want to do and ask them to support your dreams. i hope they listen to you.

mike...

nothing’s gonna change, they never listen, their excuse is always because “they don’t understand a different world because they’re too old”.
It has always been a lawyer, nurse, or doctor - that’s it, if not you’re nothing.
They’re not doing this because they want the best for me, they just want to have a child they can show off to their coworkers and relatives who are always one upping each other.
I’ve told them before what I want but nothing is going through them as if my words are bouncing off of them. It’s pointless and so exhausting.

 

[1964dodge]

nothing’s gonna change, they never listen, their excuse is always because “they don’t understand a different world because they’re too old”.
It has always been a lawyer, nurse, or doctor - that’s it, if not you’re nothing.
They’re not doing this because they want the best for me, they just want to have a child they can show off to their coworkers and relatives who are always one upping each other.
I’ve told them before what I want but nothing is going through them as if my words are bouncing off of them. It’s pointless and so exhausting.

i'm sorry to hear that. parents should try to guide their children but not run their lives. if you are happy in your job/career then you are a better person, and that's what you should strive for.

mike...

 

[Shelly]

Mine never learned, they never wanted to understand.
it’s toxic.
This is why I don’t want to have kids in fear I might pass the same burden to them becoming just like my parents.
This nightmare ends with me.

 

[1964dodge]

i'll tell you the truth @Shelly when my kids flew out of the nest i was scared. i knew they would make mistakes and all 3 of my children did. i was tempted to try to tell them what to do to save them pain and anguish. but all i did was offer advice and let them make their own mistakes.

well it went bad for a while and i was really scared i didn't do enough for them. but i was patient and now my daughter is happily married and has more compassion than i know and both of my son's are in management.

my only dream for my kids is that they are happy. you need to do what makes you happy. i hope you can find a way for your parents to understand your dreams.

mike...

 

[Shelly]

i'll tell you the truth @Shelly when my kids flew out of the nest i was scared. i knew they would make mistakes and all 3 of my children did. i was tempted to try to tell them what to do to save them pain and anguish. but all i did was offer advice and let them make their own mistakes.

well it went bad for a while and i was really scared i didn't do enough for them. but i was patient and now my daughter is happily married and has more compassion than i know and both of my son's are in management.

my only dream for my kids is that they are happy. you need to do what makes you happy. i hope you can find a way for your parents to understand your dreams.

mike...

i wish my parents were like you. I doubt they ever will.
I’m just really picking myself up everyday regardless of what anyone say, I have even reached a point that all I want is to be happy with who I am and what I do no matter how they feel about how I live my life. That’s all we want in life, to be happy.

it’s just that these type of things really pulls me back to square 1 when I have already tried so many times to distance myself and make my own path.

 

[Shelly]

Right now I wanna know who tf is this prick that brought it on the table to my dad.
You see, the post about that school was clearly from online, and my dad is not tech savvy, he doesn’t even have an online account. He doesn’t linger online strolling on post, he will stare at the tv until he falls asleep.

someone in my family definitely tried meddling with my personal life again, and most of the time this happens whenever they’re trying to avoid something by diverting the attention/spotlight on me instead. I don’t meddle with their lives so they shouldn’t meddle with mine.
Like what they say, don’t do to others what you don’t want others do unto you.

 

[cymbele]

nothing’s gonna change, they never listen, their excuse is always because “they don’t understand a different world because they’re too old”.
It has always been a lawyer, nurse, or doctor - that’s it, if not you’re nothing.
They’re not doing this because they want the best for me, they just want to have a child they can show off to their coworkers and relatives who are always one upping each other.
I’ve told them before what I want but nothing is going through them as if my words are bouncing off of them. It’s pointless and so exhausting.

I was a disappointment to my parents when I elected engineering for a course of study. But after I graduated they realized that it was an achievement and something that other people admired so then they started to bragging about it. You would have thought that it was their idea. So do what you want for school- it’s definitely worth the struggle and time. I always desired that my child would be self sufficient and that would be bragging rights. And she eventually got there .

 

[Shelly]

I was a disappointment to my parents when I elected engineering for a course of study. But after I graduated they realized that it was an achievement and something that other people admired so then they started to bragging about it. You would have thought that it was their idea. So do what you want for school- it’s definitely worth the struggle and time. I always desired that my child would be self sufficient and that would be bragging rights. And she eventually got there .

my parents have subtly expressed their disappointment towards me, here and there every now and then. I’ve become indifferent to it, how they feel is on them and not on me. Besides I’m also disappointed having them as parents so it’s only fair.

I just wanna live my own life

 

[may71]

Hugs Shelly

 

[1964dodge]

my parents have subtly expressed their disappointment towards me, here and there every now and then. I’ve become indifferent to it, how they feel is on them and not on me. Besides I’m also disappointed having them as parents so it’s only fair.

I just wanna live my own life

i just want to mention something @Shelly . from the time i was a kid until my mid 30s i was the black sheep. my brother was better than me in every way. i was a disappointment to my parents. they always hoped i'd be like my brother some day.

well without getting into details my brother started constantly screwing my parents. i mean my parents were hurt. my family helped them. we put in a new floor for them and a new kitchen sink and faucet as well as other repairs, we never charged them anything not even for materials.

once they got past my brothers smoke screen they saw the real me. they were eventually proud of who and what i was. my dad even helped me get my first antique car. point is be you as you are. and try to find a career/job/school that works for you. and your day will come. someday they'll be proud of you the way you are.

mike....

 

[Shelly]

i just want to mention something @Shelly . from the time i was a kid until my mid 30s i was the black sheep. my brother was better than me in every way. i was a disappointment to my parents. they always hoped i'd be like my brother some day.

well without getting into details my brother started constantly screwing my parents. i mean my parents were hurt. my family helped them. we put in a new floor for them and a new kitchen sink and faucet as well as other repairs, we never charged them anything not even for materials.

once they got past my brothers smoke screen they saw the real me. they were eventually proud of who and what i was. my dad even helped me get my first antique car. point is be you as you are. and try to find a career/job/school that works for you. and your day will come. someday they'll be proud of you the way you are.

mike....

i’m the 5th and youngest in my siblings. The second eldest is the black sheep. The older 4 has achieved nothing in life so the more my parents pressured me to the extreme to achieve their dreams and I eventually cracked, my parents put me in this pedestal, bragging to their coworkers about my good grades (they don’t know how many sleepless nights i have to put up with just to attain that and act like it was effortless) — which then resulted to my older siblings resenting me.
When I cracked the 4 of them were definitely pleased with my downfall.

And yes there’s always favoritism and even when I was pushing myself to achieve their unattainable goals back then I was never a favorite of neither both of my parents.

They always talk to me, about their favorite sons, how they’re doing, how they’re pitiful which is why I should study hard, get good grades, work hard, earn a lot, help my older siblings - not even once did they ever asked me how I was feeling, if I was sick, or if I was even happy.
How many birthdays passed by where they would nonchalantly greet me for 1 second then move on to asking me how my older siblings are doing, reminding me about my academics and my plans, there was never a point where they cared about me personally.
And every birthday my 4 older siblings would pick on me making my birthday just a miserable day which is why I never celebrate it anymore.

they knew I always have a strength for arts, even getting awards from school competitions for it, teachers and school mates have talked to them about it but my parents act like they didn’t hear anything, they never showed up, they never commented about it, they say nothing they see nothing therefore it doesn’t exist. When I opened up about it the first time in 2014, they were the first one to shut it down, and then wonder why I was so defeated and lacking in confidence, my parents who were supposed to be my rock failed me. And from then on it kept happening how they disregard who I am and insist on their dreams like it’s an occasion.

I’m already in pieces so idk why they’re still putting me in this position again, am I not broke enough for them. Every year they keep pretending it never happened and try again.
It’s like they already know I’m different yet they’re still forcing me to fit in to their desired mold/shape.

 

[Shelly]

i just want to mention something @Shelly . from the time i was a kid until my mid 30s i was the black sheep. my brother was better than me in every way. i was a disappointment to my parents. they always hoped i'd be like my brother some day.

well without getting into details my brother started constantly screwing my parents. i mean my parents were hurt. my family helped them. we put in a new floor for them and a new kitchen sink and faucet as well as other repairs, we never charged them anything not even for materials.

once they got past my brothers smoke screen they saw the real me. they were eventually proud of who and what i was. my dad even helped me get my first antique car. point is be you as you are. and try to find a career/job/school that works for you. and your day will come. someday they'll be proud of you the way you are.

mike....

you have an interesting story, were your parents preferring to the see the good side of your brother instead of the truth?
Did he intentionally screw them or he finally decided to stop being this good son and show his true self? How come they favored him, were they —- what’s the word, blindsided?

that’s how with our black sheep, while he was lying to my parents, bullying me — I was instead blamed for it and they pitied him. Now in 2020 they finally understood he’s a pathological liar and a deadbeat

 

[1964dodge]

you have an interesting story, were your parents preferring to the see the good side of your brother instead of the truth?
Did he intentionally screw them or he finally decided to stop being this good son and show his true self? How come they favored him, were they —- what’s the word, blindsided?

that’s how with our black sheep, while he was lying to my parents, bullying me — I was instead blamed for it and they pitied him. Now in 2020 they finally understood he’s a pathological liar and a deadbeat

well to be honest he became an electrician and i was bouncing every few years to a new job. i always worked though long hours because i was a workaholic. my brother had big dreams and always planned this or that. he would form a corporation so suppliers couldn't touch him personally. then instead of paying the suppliers he would sell his equipment to a new corporation he started and file bankruptcy. he is a sleasebag.

he purposely screwed my parents out of money. and after my dad passed i had to keep making excuses to my mom because she wanted to disown him. i haven't seen him since my mother died and i never will see him again. he got a lot more than me and used me any chance he got. but my parents never put me down but i know they were disappointed, at least until they saw the truth.

mike...