I should be asleep but I can’t stop thinking over everything. I’m never going to get away from my family and their suffocating behaviour. I’ll never be able to come out to everyone as nonbinary because now it’s become a trend no one believes you or takes you seriously when you’re genuine. It hurts that my body is female and my mind tells me otherwise. Living in Tory Britain is a hell, people like me, the ones at the bottom of the heap with no money aren’t allowed to succeed. I’m sick and tired of being on the dole but too unstable to even consider getting part time work. The NHS is falling those who need urgent mental health support and I am scared of going back to my local mental health service because all it is is patronising nods and “oh okay”. My main coping mechanism is now gone, people list reasons to stay but ig I’m selfish. Those reasons will never be enough. I can’t handle all these emotions that I can’t name, autism is a curse and it makes mental illness worse than it is already. I am trapped in the cycle that all this creates and I can’t get out. It’s getting hard to focus on what I write now my vision is going but I’ve tried to get to the end
I hope you manage to get some sleep.