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Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Hurted, Feb 29, 2008.

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  1. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    I was thinking today.... was i happy when i wass child? Since i remember (from age 8 to present day, 16) i always had phobias and social anxiethy.... maybe i was even depressed....

    I was always strange.... i didnt know that its ilness, so i thougt that im most strange person on the world...

    Here are just few strange things:

    Once when my mother told me that she almost died in the cold lake when she was young, i went to swiming pool with really cold water and try to be under water as long as i could, just to suffer the same as mother....

    Always when i went out with friends, or had public speech in school, i puke and feel very scared...

    I live in my own world since i was born...

    I also worried a lot... Sometimes i cant sleep because of thinking about totaly unimportant things...

    From age 8-12 i didnt have single friend, only 2 person with which i barely talked...

    I was always bridge between my mother and grandmother, they scream all time on each other, lot of times i cried because i didnt know which one is good and which one is bad (i realize years later that my mother was emotionaly abused by grandmother)

    I had lot of images in my head which i couldnt get away (probally OCD)...

    And much much more...

    Can someone give me some links about child mental disorders? Or tell me which disorder could that be? Thanks...

    I remember myself as happy kid... but what if it was only mask, with which i was hiding from myself...

    As you see im pretty fucked up and i always was...
    I am looser and will always be... i tryed in past 2 years to change many things... mostly i fail, or fail after few moths of "succes"...

    When i look back... Those 16 years seems like failure... Im big failure....

    From age 13-15 i was happy.... but was i really? I was escaping from reality to my world so much that i even didnt notice that i dont have normal life...
    I came to point when i was so blind that i thought that i have nice life...
     
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