42 year old orphan

[BeardyStu]

My Dad died in 2005 and my Mum died in July last year. My Mum was a big part of mine and my family's life. Always there no matter what. And now she's gone. World just doesn't seem the same. Live right near her old house too. Drive past the back of it all the time.

It feels so weird. Even after all this time. Since she died I've felt disconnected. From everything. Like an outsider looking in. I don't know if it's grief, my meds or what.

Don't know exactly what I want to say... It's hard to put this stuff into words.

 

[KM76710]

Sad to hear about your loss of your parents. Take all the time you need to say and put into words what you wish to. This is a good group for listening.

 

[may71]

If you're close to your parents, it can hurt a lot to lose them at any age.

Are there any remaining relatives that were also close to your mom? There might be some support that you could give to each other.

Have you thought about going to grief counseling?

I hope something can help.

 

[BeardyStu]

Sad to hear about your loss of your parents. Take all the time you need to say and put into words what you wish to. This is a good group for listening.

Thank you

If you're close to your parents, it can hurt a lot to lose them at any age.

Are there any remaining relatives that were also close to your mom? There might be some support that you could give to each other.

Have you thought about going to grief counseling?

I hope something can help.

I've got an Aunt but I don't like to trouble her. Brother who I hardly speak to.

I've had phone therapy and we've done some family events for bereavement - but lockdown makes these things difficult.

 

[may71]

I've had phone therapy and we've done some family events for bereavement

Did these things help at all? Was your Aunt close to your mom?

Brother who I hardly speak to

Sometimes siblings stay apart because there's something about their relationship that is toxic, so maybe it's good that they are separate. Do you feel like it's best that you stay distant?

 

[BeardyStu]

Did these things help at all? Was your Aunt close to your mom?

Nothing helps really.

My Aunt and my Mum had a strained relationship. But my Aunt does miss her dreadfully.

Sometimes siblings stay apart because there's something about their relationship that is toxic, so maybe it's good that they are separate. Do you feel like it's best that you stay distant?

Time will tell.

 

[may71]

But my Aunt does miss her dreadfully.

I wonder if there's a way to reach out to your Aunt so that she knows you'd want to talk more about your mom, while allowing her to take it or leave it.

 

[BeardyStu]

I wonder if there's a way to reach out to your Aunt so that she knows you'd want to talk more about your mom, while allowing her to take it or leave it.

Oh I'm sure I absolutely could. She's a very warm and loving person. It's not her, it's me. 2019 was a rough year for her. Lost her husband and her sister. And to make it worse, my Mum was her younger sister.

She's going about her life as best she can and is very active in the church and her granddaughters life.

I don't want to phone her out of the blue - mention my Mum - and fucking up her whole day if she wasn't thinking about it.

 

[may71]

I don't want to phone her out of the blue - mention my Mum - and fucking up her whole day if she wasn't thinking about it

What if you just wrote her a letter or sent her a card, and just say that if she ever wants to talk about anything, you would welcome that. Maybe over for Thanksgiving or Christmas, when she's probably thinking about family anyway.

 

[BeardyStu]

What if you just wrote her a letter or sent her a card, and just say that if she ever wants to talk about anything, you would welcome that. Maybe over for Thanksgiving or Christmas, when she's probably thinking about family anyway.

I'm sure she knows. Before lockdown my family and i would go over for Sunday lunch quite regularly. At Christmas she'll be with my cousin and his family. She's not lonely or anything. Far from it. Very active life she leads.

 

[may71]

It still might be the sort of thing that she'd want to talk about with you, and it would be a shame if you couldn't talk about it just because you couldn't connect.

 

[BeardyStu]

It still might be the sort of thing that she'd want to talk about with you, and it would be a shame if you couldn't talk about it just because you couldn't connect.

We have spoken of it and I'm sure we will again. It needs to be an organic process though.