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Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Mightbehere, Mar 1, 2009.

  1. Mightbehere

    Mightbehere Well-Known Member

    I don't want to be saved, or I do..I really don't know anymore. Since this all started i've been dealing with it, all I got was a life full of anxiety from battling it maybe I should have told more people about my issues and gotten support sooner but I didn't thinkt here was anything anyone else could do. I can't take the momories of bad times and times that I missed out on I lose so much weight not beig able to eat. I could take the depression well maybe not but its NOTHING when compared to this anxiety that comes along with it. I just wanted to live a reasonably normal happy life. I'm too much of a mess. Also before I was a young man with problem or a boy now I'm just some creepy old loser. I can't even get over high school insults. I tryed getting 'out' of this whole pattern again and again but it just cycles. I was sick of this shit in the beginning. there are two reasons why I don't immediatly die one is I don't want to sadden the people that love me and two is not many people kill themselves so I don't want to give my family that shame..I'd rather die in an accident.

    But I really don't want to die, I just want things to be ok. but they never are and they havn't been. and I don't know how to deal with the past of all this.

    Nothing ever works and girls I guess are just going to find me creepy I've been told I've creeped out a fair few people mainly by *looking at them funny* but that was when I had the flu, so I don't know. I'll be alive at least till late tonight my time
  2. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Might be there,
    I'm not going to pretend That I can solve your problems, but I want you to know that you can PM any of us and we can sit down and show you support and try and comfort you..
    The past is a bitch to deal with. I also have had alot of restless nights thinking about mine but I have finally become numb when it comes to that and have been able to set it aside. It has taken me three years of therapy to be able to do this..
    I just want you to know that you do matter and I like reading your replys to others..If you find your self this close to commiting please PM me and I will be here for you to vent or talk to.. Take care!!!
  3. Mightbehere

    Mightbehere Well-Known Member

    I'm feeling a bit better.
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I'm glad you are feeling better honey :arms:

    I'm always here for you :)
  5. Mightbehere

    Mightbehere Well-Known Member

    Thanks everyone who helped my through.

    Somebody once said,
    I forget who...

    ...that he never looked back, because
    something might be gaining on him.

    What's gaining on you, Paul?