lately i've become more and more detached from my emotions and personality. i feel like i've lost myself, like i don't know who i am anymore. i've lost the ability to deal with my feelings entirely and to express them. now i just let them sit until i forget or repress them. i've been so depressed and stoic i just don't know what to do with myself. i can't express my feelings to anyone so i just end up repressing them. i feel entirely detached from my emotions and i feel like they hit me directly, rendering me really helpless. before i "wore my heart on my sleeve" but now i feel like i don't know what i do with my emotions. they certainly aren't showing through though. i just know they come, they hit hard, and i try to forget about them. i occasionally try to explore them but it just leaves me feeling more depressed and hopeless. i really can't say too much why i feel this way. i have very few friends, like 2, and i have maybe 1 close acquaintance and few other people that i can talk to but i never feel connected to. i always feel like crying but i can never do it. it's like my body won't let me and it makes me so angry. i just want to cry, it's like wanting to puke... it's horrid when it's happening but you feel so much better afterwards. i've been thinking about my ex-girlfriend less, a lot less actually, but still i want to talk to her again. i was talking to my close friend about it last night and he said i should just send her a message or something on myspace, what could it hurt? i agreed with him but still i lack the nuts to go ahead and do it. she's dating some other dude and has been now for a while. i hope she's happy, that's all that really matters of course, but i want to know how she's doing... a part of me loves her, will always have that love for her as a person. i can't say whether i'd still date her, but i know for sure i love her. i feel like i'm gonna end up nowhere a lot of the time... and for some reason i don't give a shit either. i don't care. i just tell myself whatever happens, happens. i truly feel like there's a part of me i've legitimately lost along the way.