.....

Discussion in 'Let it all out...' started by mindscribe, Aug 22, 2006.

  1. mindscribe

    mindscribe Member

    I feel like....my life doesnt mean shit. Like Im just another walkin, talkin blob of flesh. Goin thru the meaningless motions of life.

    And look at everybody else....theyre all either big and stong, or smart....and im niether....its like...im just THERE.
    and all these people comin on here like "oh im goin to kill myself cuz my finances and i cant take care of my kids"...

    youre lucky you HAVE kids. Nobody even wants to BE with me....much less have KIDS with me. Its not that im so ugly....i guess women just sense that im a fuckin loser. Maybe cuz im small and skinny and cant protect them. who knows. But women dont fuckin want me. I try to talk to them....and then they go straight to my brother.(happened at least 3 times) Who comes and tells me all his little sexual escapades with her like i GIVE a fuck. tryin to rub it in my face or somethin.
    and it hurts too....seeing them kissing, and then giving me lil looks while they do so....like "i bet u WISH u can have this"...
    yeah, i do...i wish i could just have SOMEONE in my life...just to hold, n be with...but when a girl passes over you for someone else...that makes u feel like the most insignificant piece of shit in the world. I havent had sex/a girlfriend in a year. and they were few an far in between b4 that.

    Im tired of gettin my ass beat all the time, too...putting everything i have in a fight, which started in the first place cuz im the one everybody wants to make fun of me all the time (prolly cuz its pretty easy to make fun of the loser),
    and then getting beat down. Getting humiliated in front of 30 people. And then they all say im "soft" cuz i dont want to fight anymore. So im soft, on top of being broke, lame, weak and stupid.
    and anybody can say "noo no, ur not weak or soft" .....well....tell that to the people that beat my ass. And with this hip hop generation...everybody wants to be hard, and everybody wants to be tough.....and so im not cool AGAIN cuz im not respected.....
    i mean, my dad used to beat the fuck outta me until i ran away and was put up in group homes......didnt i take my share of beatings?

    i mean, ever since 1st grade people have been makin fun of me/givin no respect....."chris is STOOpid"....
    ....i never really had a friend....8th grade was the worst year for me, cuz it was that year where everybody cared about all the lil meaningless popularity/fasion rules...when i was broke w/ my dad livin in a trailer park...w/ no "cool" clothes to wear...and of course i was the one who sat by hisself at the lunch table....i mean it dont sound that bad written down, but its a worse feeling then u think...just sitting watching everybody else have fun with theyre friends.....while ur by urself.....just sitting there,being the loser....


    and i act as if nothin bothers me tho....of course i HAVE to....if not im just that much lower in peoples eyes, to show that i have MORE weaknesses.....



    iono.....i dont really want to kill myself....prolly cuz im too scared to do it...and i know it makes u cowardly to kill urself....

    but nobody would miss me.....in all honesty....nobody would give 2 fucks...and even if they did all i would be is a fleeting memory..."thats the kid that killed himself" "yup.....anyways..."

    and right now, i have no job, no way of GETTING a job(no birth certificate/ID)....and i mean i got some lil dinky drawing skills but its like life....im ok but theres people that are waaaayyy better....
    and im about to get kicked out of my house if i dont get a job...tho they KNOW i dont have a BC/ID...so if anyone has some tips on what to do id be appreciated......

    i mean...its gotten to the point where i UNDERSTAND the columbine kids mentalities...i FEEL them....


    o well...i guess in a world full of winners, there has to be an equal amount of losers......

    my condolences to the ones with the frayed end of the stick.....
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 22, 2006
  2. me_

    me_ Guest

    Hey there!
    You seem like a smart guy, funny in a sarcastic way.
    Sorry to hear that people don't appreciate you.
    If you need to talk feel free to PM me, i feel an insignificant piece of crap, i quess we have something in common. :wink: