"WE NEVER SEEM TO GET ANYWHERE THESE DAYS"
thats what a mental healthcare worker said to me and it got me thinking yep shes right,the other day i noticed its been nearly a year since i joined sf and it has helped me make good friends but ive also upset others which plays on my mind daily.in the last year ive had a few minor attempts but ivr kicked the painkiller addiction,ive kicked the drink but took it back in real small moderation ive self harmed by blad but obviously not enough for serious damage,ive moved home to change my life ,but i find myself in total isolation from anything that was once important ,my life now consists of sf and work ,so im thinking the healthcare worker was right im not getting anywhere ,im just prolonging the inevitible.
Everything just feels so wrong the chore of cooking food i dont want ,cleaning,washing and even getting up and moving takes so much effort,the constant crying over records that play on the radio ,the fact i see a suicide method in everything i look at,theres so many places here that i could choose my way out ,it wouldnt even take much thinking about i could think yep now and within minutes be gone from this world
ive even started thinking about religious stuff hence the names beelzebub and job that ive used!
one year on?
if it was a boxing ring id be down for the count but not out cold but do i have the strength to get back up again?on the scorecard it would be depression 30 me 8 years wise ,i should just stay dow,after all everyone leaves eventually ..
sorry for the long rant probably the longest thread ive ever made i just hope getting it wrote down helps like it has in the past im not asking anything ,just thinking aloud xx
thats what a mental healthcare worker said to me and it got me thinking yep shes right,the other day i noticed its been nearly a year since i joined sf and it has helped me make good friends but ive also upset others which plays on my mind daily.in the last year ive had a few minor attempts but ivr kicked the painkiller addiction,ive kicked the drink but took it back in real small moderation ive self harmed by blad but obviously not enough for serious damage,ive moved home to change my life ,but i find myself in total isolation from anything that was once important ,my life now consists of sf and work ,so im thinking the healthcare worker was right im not getting anywhere ,im just prolonging the inevitible.
Everything just feels so wrong the chore of cooking food i dont want ,cleaning,washing and even getting up and moving takes so much effort,the constant crying over records that play on the radio ,the fact i see a suicide method in everything i look at,theres so many places here that i could choose my way out ,it wouldnt even take much thinking about i could think yep now and within minutes be gone from this world
ive even started thinking about religious stuff hence the names beelzebub and job that ive used!
one year on?
if it was a boxing ring id be down for the count but not out cold but do i have the strength to get back up again?on the scorecard it would be depression 30 me 8 years wise ,i should just stay dow,after all everyone leaves eventually ..
sorry for the long rant probably the longest thread ive ever made i just hope getting it wrote down helps like it has in the past im not asking anything ,just thinking aloud xx