Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by MoAnamCara, Jun 1, 2011.

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  1. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    i dont know what to say. or what i want to say. or what my point is anymore or even what im looking for posting tonight.

    firstly thank you all for your support these last few months. im not doing anything permanent tonight, i suppose i should say that too. i just need to do something. the thoughts are there but its unlikely i will, i need to be here to look after them. am avoiding alcohol as am scared of what i would do. so i need to do something in the meantime. im trying to figure out what that is. prolly hurt in some fashion.

    i suppose im posting because i want help from you guys. reassurance or a boost or something. but this makes me feel worse again as i keep doing this. i feel inadequate because i cant deal with my current life and my history.

    im not sure what to do anymore. i honestly feel like im being buried under. it feels insurmountable. i want to run away.

    i sincerely apologize to you all, yet again, for posting and wasting time and your kind energies. i just dont know what else to do.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Please don't feel sorry for reaching out for posting your sadness for getting it out and in the open so others can see and reach out to you.
    I for one do not want you to harm yourself okay please be kind to you
    The sadness it will lessen it does keep posting okay a hundred times if need be just know we care i care so please stay safe hugs to you
  3. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i am sorry you are in so much pain tonight
    a little short on words but i wanted to send you a hug
    :hug: :hug: :hug:
  4. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Thank you. Its been a while since I cut, a long while but what I used wasn't sharp enough. It feels as if their words re not being able to do things right, are correct. It hurts, I hurt myself. Stupid.

    No response necessary, thanks for trying, honestly
  5. hollowvoice

    hollowvoice Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    hon stop the cutting now
    its another addiction you dont need right now
    go lay down and rest up ok!!!
    have another !!!! cigarette whatever it takes ok
  6. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 2, 2011
  7. marmite

    marmite Active Member

    Hi thinking of you hope you managed to get some rest.:IrishDoll:sending a big hug and to let you know I care.:pinkrose:
  8. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I acre what happens.. Don't feel sorry for posting.. Thats why we're here...Tell us more so we can support you better..
  9. starryeyed

    starryeyed Well-Known Member

    How do you feel today ? Have you any valium?
    Docs wont give me any,so dont know if you have it.
    Or somethin to calm you.
  10. tweetypie

    tweetypie Antiquities Friend

    I hope you are feeling a bit better honey :) im sorry i didnt see your post earlier or id have pmed u ! :hug: you can always always msg me xx
  11. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Thank you Hollow, Marmite, Stranger, Starry & Shadow

    Your words, even that you bothered to type them, means something to me. I already posted on SH forum that i'm struggling tonight.

    My sig other saw the bandages earlier on my leg and was curious - I felt bad for lying. I wanted some caring. My expectations are way out of line I think.

    I need to change, stop being selfish. Others are going through so much more, I feel weak, used up and drained. I'm just not sure how to make them happy. Is it me or them or the disease?

    I need to calm down, need some decent rest.

    Need thoughts to go away, I need to regain control of myself. How bananas is that to say?
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