i dont know what to say. or what i want to say. or what my point is anymore or even what im looking for posting tonight. firstly thank you all for your support these last few months. im not doing anything permanent tonight, i suppose i should say that too. i just need to do something. the thoughts are there but its unlikely i will, i need to be here to look after them. am avoiding alcohol as am scared of what i would do. so i need to do something in the meantime. im trying to figure out what that is. prolly hurt in some fashion. i suppose im posting because i want help from you guys. reassurance or a boost or something. but this makes me feel worse again as i keep doing this. i feel inadequate because i cant deal with my current life and my history. im not sure what to do anymore. i honestly feel like im being buried under. it feels insurmountable. i want to run away. i sincerely apologize to you all, yet again, for posting and wasting time and your kind energies. i just dont know what else to do.