A Generally Bad week

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by HawkHood, Sep 23, 2014.

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  1. HawkHood

    HawkHood Active Member

    I thought about posting this in "Let it all Out," but figured I wouldn't deny you good people the chance to offer any thoughts you have (you're so lucky!).

    Just a bad time of late. I haven't seen my psychiatric nurse in 6 weeks, and honestly, I'm so tired of trying to get hold of him. I've tried texting, leaving voicemails on his cell and leaving messages at the hospital. I don't know how this works but he seems to have so much annual leave/sick leave. I've only seen him a couple of times in the last few months now, and he's simply not turned up to several appointments with no call or text to warn me he can't make it. He seemed to be really dedicated to helping me before, but now it's like I've completely dropped off the radar as any sort of priority. He doesn't even know that a few weeks ago I suffered a time-loss (a dissociation, I guess) in which I managed to break my nose.

    Mentally I'm stuck in a rut; I'm going through the motions to get through each day and the days are melding into weeks. I don't much like this time of year because my birthday is approaching, which has some psychological significance in terms of events that happened and then there are the other holidays. I just can't seem to do anything worthwhile.

    My best friend has barely spoken to me in the last few weeks. I don't even really know why. It's probably the longest period for which we haven't spoken in the decade that I've known her. I've asked if she's okay or needs to talk, but just haven't really got any response. I don't know whether to worry or whether I maybe offended her in some way (unusual that she wouldn't tell me if that was the case) or what :/

    My finances are a mess. I had to find extra to clear some junk from my apartment this week and my rent was increased to nearly $1000 USD just for a studio apartment asa result of the landlord undertaking some external repairs to the building and redecorating/re-carpeting the hallways whilst doing nothing to the actual apartments. That annoys me because I have damp along one entire wall and I'm looking at another winter with no heating except for a space heater.

    I've also had to get some emergency care for my pet rat. As silly as it sounds that also makes me very sad. He's barely clinging on to life and I hate to see an animal suffering, let alone an intelligent and friendly pet. I've been syringe-feeding him for over a week but I hate to say that I think it's unfair to carry on doing so :(

    To cap everything off, there's another website to which I've given the bulk of my time over the last 15 months, which has made a heck of a lot of profit as a result, and where I thought I (and a good friend of mine) were making a difference. However this week it feels like we've been kicked in the teeth with a lack of respect, a general sense of ingratitude and nothing but criticism. It's incredibly sad when you work to make a website more welcoming and constructive (not to mention the financial gain involved) only to find that in such a short time you actually feel intimidated and anxious about logging in for fear of the criticism, stress and frustration.

    I'm just feeling so beaten down. Why do I even try? I feel utterly useless and insignificant, and just sad and despondent.

    [/rant] sorry (thanks if you've read this far :O !)
  2. FMyLife

    FMyLife Chat Buddy

    While a lot is going on in your life, and many of it stressful, do not take the mind set of why bother. Trust me, that is a dark path best not traveled. I sympathize with everything you are saying because like so many others, I have been there too, and I know how it is to get to that "fuck it" point. Don't give-up tho, and keep pushing forward and there is a nice place at the end of it. *hug*
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