a message to my best friend

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by notmyself, Jul 10, 2014.

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  1. notmyself

    notmyself New Member

    a message im planning on sending through facebook


    ive been wanting to say this for a while now, but every time i tried to, i just didnt know how to say it or was too scared to tell you. even now i know i wont say exactly what i want to say, especially in person. which is why im telling you this way

    i know that im a pretty shitty and negative person to be around right now and i really am sorry. i havent been myself for a long time now. i still have major depression, but its not just that. i was meant to tell you this a while ago. when i was still in my cast i tried to, and nearly killed myself. i took all the pain killers, all the pills that i had left, fell asleep, woke up having a seizure, then passed out. i woke up the next morning and just cried, but not because i tried to kill myself. because i was still alive. it was around this time that i kept asking you to come over just so i could have some company, but you always let me down. i cant forget that and i still havent forgiven you, as much as i want to, because i know you just didnt understand. alot of shit's going on in my life right now that i dont know how to explain to you that would make you understand. but its getting harder and harder each day to fake a smile. i try so hard not to, but think about suicide every day, and hate myself for thinking so negatively. the more i think of killing myself, the more i hate myself. the more i hate myself, the more i think of killing myself. i dont want to be the guy you feel like you have to visit even when you dont want to, which feels like every time i see you now anyway. we used to be really close and have so much fun together. it kills me to know that when youre with me theres always something else you'd rather be doing, or somebody else you'd rather be with. just so you know, i dont blame you for anything. im just in a bad place in life right now. i know it would be best for both of us if we didnt see each other anymore. atleast for a while. sorry i couldnt be a better friend

    i dont expect you to reply
     
  2. notmyself

    notmyself New Member

    is this acceptable to send through facebook? i feel obligated to tell them in person, but its hard for me to express how im feeling/how ive been feeling and remember exactly what i want to say
     
  3. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    If you don't expect your friend to reply to you, why bother sending something that could only be upsetting? I was always told that if you cannot say what you mean to someone's face, then don't say it...... but this was in the days before social media, however I still think it's good advice. :)
     
  4. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    What is it you are trying to accomplish by sending it? To make them feel guilty? It is unlikely that will revitalize the freindship - and if it did it would be short-lived and disingenuous based on you knowing you guilted them into it. While you can be upset they were not there for you when you needed them I I were them I might be wondering why you did not say what was going on instead of simply asking them to come over and hoping they decided to because they "owed you" . If friends are not doing it because they want to - and not because they owe you (and this goes in both directions- if you are doing something for them because you expect something back in the future) then it is not really doing or giving anything anyway. They hurt you as a friend- move on and avoid the drama and burning bridges that accomplishes nothing in the long run and that you will feel bad for having done the second after you send it. Instead send a message to somebody you haven't talked to for a while and ask how they are doing and see if there is a chance to find some better friends in that way would be my advice.
     
  5. notmyself

    notmyself New Member

    @youRprecious
    ive decided that since this is more or less what i want to say to them, and i know i wont remember it, that i'd be with them as they read it, and leave the 'i dont expect you to reply' out
     
  6. notmyself

    notmyself New Member

    @NYJmpMaster
    im not trying to revitalise the friendship. i want to take a break from it, until im back on my feet and myself again.i still see this person maybe once a week now, because i think they feel they owe it to me, which is exactly what i dont want. so i dont think just ignoring them and moving on to another friend is going to work. i cant just say "leave me alone" without giving reason. i just want them to know how ive been feeling.
     
  7. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    I think this is the crux of the issue here. You are making out like you are sending the letter for their benefit. If you want to send it, then obviously that is your choice but don't kid yourself that this is better or kinder or anything other than wanting to share how you are feeling. This is a guilt trip and really will only have the effect of suggesting they were not a good friend - they should have known - they should have done more.

    but you always let me down. i cant forget that and i still havent forgiven you

    it kills me to know that when youre with me theres always something else you'd rather be doing, or somebody else you'd rather be with. just so you know, i dont blame you for anything. im just in a bad place in life right now. i know it would be best for both of us if we didnt see each other anymore. atleast for a while. sorry i couldnt be a better friend

    i dont expect you to reply

    This part makes it very clear that you are in fact blaming them - nobody would write this and believe that it is not going to make the person feel bad. If you want them to feel bad then that is another matter but pretending that it is "for them" is not fooling anyone but yourself - it will certainly not fool them. Essentially this reads like you are more or less blaming them for your suicide attempt and for your current depression.

    In answer to your question of whether you think this is okay to send over facebook - truthfully I don't think it is okay to send, period. On any platform. If you have depression and suicidal thoughts you need to see a doctor and work with a therapist to find healthy ways to move forward.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 11, 2014
  8. islandification

    islandification Well-Known Member

    It's good to write down your thoughts and feelings toward this person, then just save it for a few days and see what you think. Then if you still want to send it I don't see why not. Maybe they will respond with their side of the story and it can be discussed, if not you haven't lost anything anyway as I see it. Other people here disagree though, and they could well be right. You might take out or tone down the blame part, and leave out the suicide attempt and its details (surprised the site didn't remove that themselves).
     
  9. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    Would it make them feel bad? Probably. But if you want to send it, I say send it. Nothing wrong with telling someone how you feel or how they made you feel. Everyone deserves to be able to tell someone else if they made them feel bad in order to get it off their chest, and just because it'll make them feel bad in process, doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. They made you feel bad too, after all.
     
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